


Burning Hope

by Phantomwolf666



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Badass Chuck, Bondage, Character Death, Everybody Lives, F/M, First Time, Insomnia, Jealousy, Kissing, M/M, Major Character Injury, Manipulation, Marriage Proposal, Misunderstandings, Near Death Experiences, Oral Sex, Past Infidelity, Protective Herc, Protective Raleigh, Rough Sex, Team as Family, True Love, Unrequited Love, Well almost everyone, cute max, kinda dark Mako, perfect match
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2019-10-03 15:42:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17286866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantomwolf666/pseuds/Phantomwolf666
Summary: It's the end of the world and tensions are high Pitfall is their last hope Hell has been Beckett is their last hopeChuck hate this hates feeling like this the pressure the inevitable end awaiting them all but blues eyes give him a flash a surge of hope and he thinks maybe just maybe it can workMako is desperate to prove herself to prove she can do this but one moment changes it all for her Sensei never taught her how to navigate this partRaleigh is tired from running from pain from knowing what will occur should they fail but he thinks maybe just maybe there;s a chanceThree pilots one chance there's no going back once  the match is lit





	1. Epiphany

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone so this is my first Fic in the Pacific Rim universe and it literally came to me when I saw that nod between Chuck and Raleigh so I thought why not. Let me know what you all think hopefully it doesn't come across as too fragmented or boring, I appreciate any criticism given now on with the show.

_“ **Goddamn Disgrace”**_

 

The words keep playing in her head over and over again like a bad record stuck on that one terrible lyric you wished you could just forget about. She tried to think of something else anything else but the words kept spinning round and round and despite being an egotistical jerk she couldn’t help but feel that this time Chuck was right. She had lost it despite Raleigh’s warnings despite hearing him shouting screaming at her she had followed the RABIT nothing else had mattered nothing else had existed her only thought had been to stop that creature knowing what it was about to do knowing what it did. She had failed that simple fact tormented her the look the Marshal had given her haunted her a mixture of pity and disappointment all in one it left her feeling cold empty. So it was almost a relief to hear Chuck say what everyone must be thinking because he was right they were a disgrace if the simulation hadn’t been shut down they would have lost what little they had left it shook her in more ways than one. It had been her one chance her opportunity to shine to show Sensei that she could fight she had done the training focused all her energy into mastering control and it had all been for nothing. She knew how much it meant to Sensei giving her the opportunity the chance to show him how far she had come that she was ready to stand by his side and destroy the creatures which had taken so much from both of them but she had failed.

 

Raleigh had been so calm more concerned for her than anything and while she appreciated it she couldn’t help but feel a bit resentful it had seemed almost easy for him to drift with her despite the false start he had settled back into rhythm rather quickly almost as though it were as seamless as breathing but she had drifted chasing the memories becoming detached and all too aware all at once. She felt as though she had lost everything all over again, when she had stepped out and seen their faces she had felt like a child playing dress up pretending to be a pilot they way children used to when this all began, who in their right mind would allow her to ride a Jaeger after such a disgusting display, she didn’t belong here not anymore but where else could she go. She could feel it all slipping away like water crashing against her skin there were too few of them and despite her drift compatibility with Raleigh it was impossible for them to drift again let alone be allowed to fight the Kaiju, not after their shocking and damn right humiliating drift. Her feet carried her this way and that no clear destination in mind those who spared her a glance were quick to glance away as though burned she could almost hear their thoughts the great Mako Mori nothing more than a child chasing a dream. Her eyes pricked nose tingling but she forced herself to keep walking she was nervous about what would happen especially after Raleigh and Chuck had come to blows.

 

There was no hiding the fact that Chuck despite his many flaws was an amazingly talented pilot and could dominate his competition in a fight so it struck her as strange how he

had seemed to hold himself back despite using that viperous tongue of his he had been oddly restrained it shocked her more that Raleigh had hit him first, she had never thought the former Jaeger pilot could lose his composure in such a way. Yet despite the blows Chuck had seemed oddly controlled even the insults had been fairly tame to be honest he was only saying the truth they were a liability together, she had known Chuck for years they had grown up together in a sense not exactly friends but mutual acquaintances somehow it felt as though the insults weren’t meant for Raleigh it was a though he were speaking directly to her.

 

 ** _“Goddamn disgrace”_** He had said it so venomously but even though he had been looking at Raleigh it felt as though he were targeting her and he was right. The shame curled across her skin like an oddly comforting coat settling in her stomach in a heavy lurch, she wished Raleigh hadn’t hit him it just made her feel worse as though she were incapable of defending herself a pathetic weak creature hiding behind someone stronger and by God did Chuck hate anything resembling weakness.

 

She tried to tell herself that she didn’t care what Chuck said but deep down she did, they were both perfectionists but Chuck had managed to surpass her he had enlisted so early and risen so quickly he was arrogant of course he was but it wasn’t exactly misplaced underneath she knew he was kind loyal, she had seen glimpses of it when they were younger but as they grew older he had withdrawn further within himself hiding behind a wall of arrogance and cockiness it was only a mask something to keep others at bay and she could understand why. In a way he had been her competition of sorts Chuck was almost unnervingly intelligent beneath all that brashness they had gotten into a few verbal spars but she had always felt so exhilarated afterwards, they had sparred during their time here too he had such a force that sometimes she could barely suppress the blows coming her way and yet it had been such a rush, sometimes she got a glimpse during those sessions at the kwoon of the Chuck hidden under all those walls it made her smile.

 

Well if she was being honest with herself perhaps she would have enjoyed if they became more than acquaintances at the very least friends it was why the words hurt so much. She stopped hands reaching to scrub at her face in an attempt to dispel the thoughts circling there she should go find Raleigh make sure he was okay, then maybe she could consider approaching Chuck those hits had to have hurt after all and she wasn’t without sympathy he was clearly lashing out if she could pin point why it might make her feel a little better. She was quick to make her way down the familiar hallways now that she had a clear destination in mind, talking with Raleigh would make her feel better then they could come up with a game plan to deal with their horrendous display she couldn’t wallow forever. She was almost at Raleigh's quarters when she spotted Chuck, he was frowning jaw clenched so tight she was sure something would snap, the light helped to give her a view of his face already swelling a nice purple shade while his lips stained crimson.

 

She held back her wince it looked painful but knowing Chuck he would shrug it aside in fact he was probably here for round two, her stomach dropped feeling oddly nauseous at the thought. Sure enough he rapped on Raleigh's door stance stiff shoulders tense, fingers clenching and unclenching almost subconsciously . She almost lurched forward to act as a barrier between the two but then again she had been there before and had just remained frozen still she took a hesitant step forward just as the door swung open with a little more force than strictly necessary. Raleigh hides his surprise fairly well but came to an abrupt stop lips twisting into an odd straight line blue depths searching and tight with tension. “Hansen” the tone gives nothing away cool and flat not betraying any of the lingering confusion, agitation and nervousness she’s feeling in the ghost drift.

 

“Beckett” Chuck sounds tense but there's a certain forced politeness to it she’s only really heard it directed at Sensei or under certain circumstances Herc.

For a moment they just stare at one another she can sense Chucks reluctance a mile away and those fingers keep clenching finally its Raleigh who breaks the staring contest “Need something” he sounds amused one eyebrow quirking upwards body moving to half lean against the door the picture of nonchalance.

 

The muscles jump in Chucks jaw made more obvious by the dark bruising cutting the skin there “Alright if we talk mate” he sounds almost strangled getting the words out like being this polite is killing him, to an extent it might be its not often Chuck actively acts with such mannerisms it piques her curiosity and Raleigh's too judging from the flicker of surprise she feel in their ghost drift.

 

“Sure” he makes no effort to move blue gaze sharper now studying Chuck shuffles shoulders becoming tighter “Inside yeah” he looks almost pleading but she’s never actively seen Chuck ask for anything or beg such a thing would be unheard of.

 

Raleigh looks almost stern but she can read the mischievousness in his gaze feel the flicker of playfulness “Maybe if you ask nicely I’d be more inclined to let you in” she stifles a laugh at such boldness knowing just how explosive Chucks temper is.

 

The Australian grits his teeth and for a moment she thinks he’s going to lash out its his primary defense after all but instead his fingers clench knuckles turning white as he glares at Raleigh “Please” its more of a hiss but its there nether the less shes a bit stunned.

 

Raleigh moves aside blues almost dancing now “Sure come on in” he waits until Chuck pushes past looking as though he’d rather be anywhere else like a man walking to his death. The door snaps to a close behind him, she blinks not quiet sure how to process what just happened and if anything she feels almost maniac with the curiosity spiking in her veins.

 

Why was Chuck here especially after the fight? What were they saying? Hesitantly she takes a quick glance around but apart from herself the hallway remains deserted no doubt everyone is busy with last minute checks with the Jaegers, she knows she shouldn't but she creeps towards the door. She feels like a child again attempting to listen in on her parents soft spoken conversations, its juvenile standing there pressing her ear to the door but she can’t help herself or the slight thrill it gives her. Its a bit difficult to hear at first its slightly muffled but as she twists and turns into position she finds a spot that allows her to hear well enough and there's silence.

 

Her lips twist into a frown she expected well come to think of it she has no idea where this was heading to begin with so she waits. She can imagine Chucks awkward standing and Raleigh's nonchalance probably leaning against something.

 

“Look mate” she almost starts at the sound but keeps herself still “I” a frustrated breath “things got a bit out of hand back there” it almost sounds like an apology she hides her surprise just in case

 

“Are you referring to the beating you took” There's no mistaking the coolness behind Raleigh's voice its sobering bringing her back to those words Goddamn disgrace.

 

“Oi!” she can almost taste the fury the potent force that is Chucks anger “lucky shot mate but” a sigh “Look I didn’t mean it alright” she feels that surprise again more potent now before its quickly stifled away.

 

“Which part” Raleigh's not letting it slide its almost like vengeance in a way not undeserved though.

 

Another frustrated breath and some shuffling as though the Aussie was attempting to remain still “Look I know I was an arse alright your not a has been its just” more shuffling “You being here it makes it all seem final don’t know if you know it or not mate but this mission ain't gonna be a walk in the park” then so softly she almost didn’t hear “there’s no coming back yeah so I’m just pissed, we’re out numbered and it feels like if we don’t somehow manage Marshals insane venture we’re fucked” silence stretched out almost fragile she waits holding her breath

 

“I know” Raleigh sounds softer almost gentle she hasn’t heard the tone before “Your still a dick” she’s expecting a punch to be thrown

 

“Oi!” Chucks voice is without heat though oddly docile “But I get it” Raleigh's voice still sounds soft careful she can feel the flicker of concern the dash of fondness. “What about Mako” she stills at the sound of her own name almost paranoid that they can sense her pressed against the cool metal

 

“What about her” Chuck sounds tense again she can picture that jaw clenching. “Shouldn’t you apologize to her” There's a certain steel to Raleigh's voice now it makes her heart flutter in the nicest way warmth spilling in her chest.

 

“Piss off” shuffling again more agitated this time “Christ Chuck you suck at this” Raleigh sounds two parts exasperated and one part resigned this time Chuck does react violently “Fuck off Ray” she hears footsteps

 

“Shouldn’t have bothered in the first place” there such fire in his tone such unconcealed rage masking the tiniest flicker of hurt. She pulls back hearing those footsteps come closer but before she has to ponder an escape route the meaty sound of skin slapping against skin fills the air her stomach drops were they fighting again so soon after this had started with such promise.

 

“Calm down” Raleigh sounds calm almost unruffled in the wake of such anger her mind is consumed with possibilities if only she could see. “Get off you wanker” Chuck sounds tense but the threat lacks its usual heat. “Why are you so difficult” its said with exasperation but also a tinge of curiosity as if Raleigh really cannot understand Chuck he wouldn't be the first one, she herself had only ever gotten glimpses I seemed like a never ending enigma the soul of one Chuck Hansen.

 

“Part of my charm mate” There's silence for a moment before Raleigh speaks again “I appreciate you coming by I do times like these well we’ve enough problems without adding fire” Chuck snorts but doesn't bite back surprisingly.

 

“You gonna let go of me now you drongo” she feels a dash of nervousness a flare of embarrassment across the drift before Raleigh chokes out a laugh “Just making sure you’d stay put while I said my piece” a bit of shuffling “So you really don't think I’m a has been then” its said almost playfully and she hears Chucks answering sigh

 

“Don't go getting a big head there mate you were good gotta say I even admired ya a little I could have worse backup” it almost sounds like a compliment she can’t suppress her smile and if she could see them now she cold imagine Raleigh’s lips quirking upwards.

 

“I’m flattered Chuck” there’s no hiding the amusement but there’s an undercurrent of honesty there there’s more shuffling almost like fidgeting but Chuck doesn’t fidget so perhaps its something else “Don’t get used to it” there's no mistaking the exasperation but there’s an edge to it almost amused, she finds her own lips stretching into a smirk.

 

“We’re gonna do this you know” Raleigh says it so softly its like a caress silken and smooth drifting across her skin. She hears a scoff “Sure mate” its heartbreaking how resigned it sounds gone is the fire from Chucks earlier outburst he sounds defeated it sends a fissure of pain across her chest she had always though given his confidence that Chuck would retain his fight his desire to win but hearing him sound so broken it makes her panic a panic she quickly tries to quell before Raleigh picks up on it.

 

There’s some shuffling she can imagine the stare off clearly Raleigh always looked beautiful when he had that determination painting his gaze “I mean it Chuck we can do this” it so sure so believable it loosens her own panic because of Raleigh genuinely thinks they can then by God they can.

 

“I know the stakes mate glad to see you’ve got some fire though been hoping to see something outta you” Raleigh scoffs and she feels the disbelief “I thought you liked your life” it sounds more accusing than anything she almost wished she could barge in and yell abort because Jesus Raleigh clearly had suicidal tendencies.

 

Sure enough there’s fire almost like crackling thunder breaking Chucks voice “I do but I also know what I signed up for if it comes down to me versus everyone else you bet your ass I’m gonna take the hit” her heart stops ice sliding along her veins because yes this plan was risky yes it would be dangerous but she couldn’t fathom a world without Chuck, despite his arrogance and overall aggressive demeanor she cared about him aside form Sensei he had been the only one she spoke with the one who would agree to debate no matter the hour, to examine the Jaeger tech and draw up new ideas and designs, the one who would help her train in the Kwoon late at night when the need struck, the one who believed she could become a pilot who pushed her to just go for it and holy shit she had an epiphany a wild star crazed kind of moment it all made sense. Somewhere along the lines of growing up of catching those glimpses she had fallen deeply and unconcerned she was in love with Chuck Hansen.

 

Her breath caught a door sounded down the hallway reminding her of her current position. “We’re a team Chuck whether you like it or not besides” Raleigh voice turned lighter catching her attention once more “With an ego that big the Kaiju will be hard pressed trying to take you down” it drew a strangled sound from Chuck’s mouth probably down to not only the words but whatever look Raleigh was pinning him with finally after a pause “Piss off Ray” but there was a lightness to it a flush of warmth and amusement it made a stone drop in her stomach acid to boil across her chest and she realized abruptly it was because he had never spoken to her like that.

 

“Best be off mate I’ve some upgrades to work out can’t trust those drongo’s to be at it by themselves and Max will be going mad” footsteps filled the space

 

“Hey Hansen” she could envision the pause the smugness on Chucks face and the laughter in Raleigh's blue eyes “Its our bomb run” she couldn’t hear anything else but she felt the agonizing warmth sweep across the drift fondness, companionship and something else quickly buried before she could catch it.

 

She springs back from the door quickly racing down the corridor catching herself just in time as Chuck emerged, She chanced a glance at his face gone was the tension in that jaw, hands loose lips stretched into a soft smile and if it didn’t cause butterflies to flutter in her stomach she would be lying but with it came that burning acidic river rocketing across her skin because she hadn't done that, she hadn’t caused him to smile so openly she gently he had never graced her with one of those painfully beautiful smiles. She pressed herself against the wall relishing in the cool concrete centering herself as he swept past not even noticing her standing there she watched him go before walking towards her own bunk it was the end of the world and she had just figured out she was in love figures.

 

                                              xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 


	2. Reaching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So finally the second chapter sorry it took so long everyone but works been hectic I've literally just been sleeping!
> 
> Thanks everyone who's given this fic a shot and those who left kudos it makes my day
> 
> Anyone ever heard the song bloody nose by Hollywood undead I find it suits Chuck to a tee but maybe that's just me
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy sorry again for any errors or OOCness

The mess hall is a vortex of noise and chatter in a way the hustle and bustle is comforting it reminds Raleigh of the old days back when jaeger pilots were invincible untouchable. He stands just outside gathering himself for a moment he can almost envision Yancy standing beside him cocksure and full of that detestable swagger lips quirking into a smug grin. 

He closes his eyes trying to ignore the ripple of bittersweet pain the image brings forth don’t get cocky kid it’s so clear the same tilt of amusement and exasperation in his voice, he opens his eyes because it’s only in his head it's only ever in his head. Sure enough the empty hallway greets him sometimes he thinks Yancy’s haunting him especially now, these days it feels it at every turn in every room Yancy’s presence lingers old memories tug at his mind. Sometimes he wishes he could still feel him instead of the aching silence in his skull other times he craves the quiet how despicable was that but not hearing Yancy reminds him of how far he’s come how high the price had been for his arrogance and selfishness. 

Being back here is almost too much to bear everything he sees the familiar sounds and hustle is all a cruel reminder a painful image of what he’s lost but he doesn’t have time to wallow not anymore he had spent enough time remembering on the wall too much time, he might not have Yancy anymore but he sure is hell isn’t going to stand aside and let the rest of the world burn. He takes a breath squaring his shoulders it almost feels like going into battle expect this time he deserves the punches sure enough when he steps into the hall it fall eerily silent. Shame curls low and heavy in his gut as he takes that walk to grab a tray he feels their gazes burning his back with every step he knows what their thinking Beckett their so called hope nothing more than a washed up pilot one who shouldn’t be within striking distance of a jaeger a useless relic from the glory days, what was he doing here what right did he have? 

 

He couldn’t fault them because what on earth was he doing here? Sure Stacker had given him some drive some hope but standing here he just felt out of place disconnected from everyone, he had run away not that he had many options but he had left he knew the majority looked at him and saw a failure someone unworthy of the gift of a jaeger, one who had thrown it all away. He grips the innocent plastic tray a little too harshly knuckles straining white with the force, when he turns their openly staring eyes hard and accusing a thousand betrayals rippling back at him, a part of him wants to turn tail and run and never stop just keep running but he had brought all this upon himself he deserved their judgement their looks. 

He tries to keep his shoulders straight but finds them slumping curling in on himself eyes falling to the floor and hey who knew linoleum could be so fascinating he never really noticed before. 

“Oi Raleigh” his head jerks up so abruptly he feels his spine snap, he suppresses the accompanying hiss across the mess hall Chuck sits those stormy depths blazing with something he can’t decipher but the sheer intensity of the gaze sends a flush of heat though his gut. It had been a surprise finding Chuck at his door even more so when the kid had apologized he hadn’t been expecting it nor the honesty the kid spoke with he hadn’t really realized until that point how much he did care, something in Chuck sparked that fire in him that old flame which made him want to fight want to stand up and do something. 

 

The younger pilot had given him a flash of what he used to feel hell the kid had made him feel more alive than he ever had since Knifehead even when they had come to blows it had been electric invigorating finally feeling something again, having Chucks attention and respect it felt like validation in a way that he did deserve to live did deserve to be here and drive Gipsy one last time. Straightening he approaches a bit cautiously he can feel the gazes burning with every step he takes, Chuck offers him a nod as he nears looking unconcerned despite the heavy stares pinned their way gesturing with one toned arm to the empty spot across from him. It feels more natural than it should to slid into it “Chuck” he knows he sounds grateful but he hides his surprise because in all honesty he hadn’t been expecting the kid to acknowledge him again especially in such a short period of time he would have accepted being ignored sure he would have been disappointed but this was a nice if not pleasant surprise the kid really was an enigma a disturbingly attractive one at that. 

 

Careful kid he ignores Yancy’ s voice because he can’t help himself he had noticed how attractive Chuck was the moment they met that hadn’t went away even when the kids face was catching his fists if anything seeing the younger pilot so wild and unrestrained had made him even more attractive and by God did he make him feel again feel that age old stirring of lust slither deep in his bones like an old friend. “Ray” he bites back his irritation at the nickname because Chuck doesn’t look like he’s internationally trying to get a rise out of him too busy stabbing his potatoes vigorously his shoulders are tense though it reminds Raleigh of how broad they are how strong, heat curls in his gut again heavier this time sharply nicking his veins, he doesn’t push it aside allow the feeling to wash over him it's addictive being able to feel something other than guilt and sorrow. He takes a second to glance at Chucks face admiring the fine curve of his jaw, the strange blue green flickers in his eyes, that hair dark but bordering on ginger in certain places, takes in the broad chest the bunched muscle in his arms in a way he’s grateful for their fight it had after all given him the chance to feel just how strong that muscle was no matter how briefly. 

 

He shifts slightly heat curling lower covers his sudden discomfort by staring at his food he can feel Chuck watching him the kids gaze is hotter than the other gazes burning his back feels more pleasurable too but he ignores it for now. The silence around them is deafening the slightest of sounds like a gunshot and it brings it all back again the disappointment the failure, his throat tightens and he stabs at his potatoes appetite quelled for the moment shame taking centre fold again. He hears Chuck sigh it sounds angry vicious like a viper waiting to strike abruptly the younger pilot is slamming down his fork and rising, the abruptness forces him to look up and it shouldn’t be so attractive how wild Chuck looks jaw clenched impossibly tight shoulders taut with tension, he’s kind of expecting a punch because he’s only seen that look once and it hadn’t ended very well. “Want to get out of here” Chucks accent comes out alot thicker than he’s heard before he can’t shed his surprise as stormy blues catch him but the intensity is softened almost to a burning flame compared to the usual inferno.

 

“Fuck yeah” together they walk out unconcerned by the whispers that immediately erupt once their out of sight it’s companionable the silence that stretches between them a far cry for the earlier animosity Chuck walks with purpose leading the way and hes happy to follow after all the kid knows the place better than he does anyway. It’s surprising and unsurprising all at once to find themselves in the upper wings overlooking the jaeger bay, the familiar sight eases something in him, their vantage point gives him a clear view of Gipsy and God he had missed her but seeing her is bittersweet like everything else these days. His eyes sting but he refuses to cling to the pain allowing it to pass through him just like a drift, memories surge across his mind Yancy’s laugh, the adrenaline high after their battles, the warmth of his brothers arm slung over his shoulders, he shoves it all aside allowing it to trickle away like water.

 

Chuck leans against the railing muscles straining against that too tight grey shirt he idly wonders if the kids own any other colours, he’s thankful that other pilot is facing away from him as he swipes at his face quickly just in case. Swallowing he settles down legs swinging off the side it feels like the times when he was a kid hanging on the swings legs dangling in free fall except this time there’s no one to catch him. Below them the techs are shouting orders to one another and he can swear he can hear a dog barking he glances down sure enough Max is following behind a irritated looking Herc, the older Hansen is tense as he orders the dog to follow, he chances a look at Chuck but he’s busy clenching his fists eyes far away he knows he’s going to say something it's only a matter of time. 

Sure enough “It’s not right” the Australian sounds strained blind fury catching his jaw the sight shouldn’t be as erotic as Raleigh finds it, he shifts because it feels a little strange sitting down while Chucks standing upright for a moment he feel vulnerable uneasy “Chuck” stormy blues snap to his face that muscled flesh turning his way he tries to focus on the kids face instead of the stirring in his groin. 

“It's not like I don’t deserve it” he tries to keep his voice light but fails spectacularly judging by the way Chuck’s fingers clench more agitated now than before blue greens darkening to something darker much more violent it's a little disconcerting. 

 

“They’ve no right” his fingers tighten before jerking behind him below to the techs milling about but Raleigh knows it's not pin pointed at just them he also wants to point out how hypocritical the comment is considering how intent Chuck had been in rearranging his face. The Australian flushes as though he reading his mind jaw arching sinfully as he glares at him too intense too brutal “It’s different you and me” the words send a rocket of pleasure through his chest he shouldn’t bask in it because he knows the kid doesn’t mean it like that but his heart doesn’t care neither does his dick. 

 

Chuck flushes skin darkening to a beautiful crimson finally realizing his mistake he wonders how far that blush goes almost wants to risk finding out. “Oi I just mean its different for them I respect our techs hell I respect everyone's who’s had a hand in this war but the majority of them they ain’t pilots they don’t understand never will” he shifts stormy blues softer now but no less intense “they’ve got no idea how much jockeying takes from you how much of yourself is part of the machine they think they know try to understand but they can’t begin to imagine they toss out words like drifting like its nothing like they’ve no idea just how much everything rides on a stable connection on calming your mind and traipsing through someone else's, they look at you like you’ve failed but they’ve no right not when none of them have even set a foot inside a jaeger and faced a Kaiju head on” Chuck doesn’t look away and Raleigh will curse himself for it later but his cheeks heat flushing under the gaze heart skipping a beat because it feels nice too nice to have someone stand in his corner again no matter how undeserving he is. 

 

“Its kinda sweet how your defending me Chuck” the Aussie flushes deeper arms coming to cross over his chest straining that too tight shirt even more he tracks the movement greedily lips quirking into a sly smirk as the other pilot shifts cheeks a soaring red. 

“Piss off Ray” the threat lacks heat makes his smirk widen and that flush deepen he’s enjoying this too much seeing Chuck squirm gives him all sorts of filthy ideas he revels in it just for a moment because it was actually quite flattering what Chuck was doing makes him feel something other than lust for the pilot something jarringly soft and fond. He swallows easing back on the smirk allowing it to turn soft 

 

“No Chuck” he waits until those depths settle on him again “really it means alot” he puts as much sincerity into it as he can hoping his eyes will convey what he can’t say aloud it must work because the flush starts to fade as Chuck shrugs lips stretching into something soft and warm the smile gives him a glimpse of dimples and this time he heart really does miss a beat. 

 

“Anytime Ray us pilots have to stick together eh” Chuck settles beside him close enough to touch it's like sitting beside a furnace an open flame beckoning and bright. Chucks all additive warmth and rippling muscle a big part of Raleigh would enjoy just moving that bit closer to lean against the guy but he doesn’t think Chuck would appreciate it their current conversation notwithstanding they were still strangers connected by an ever gruesome fate still. “Yeah” he fixes his gaze ahead knowing that one word conveys enough Chuck snorts glancing at him for a second he tries not to fidget then suppresses the instant reaction of jumping when Chuck moves closer shoulder moving to bump against his own before settling there. 

 

The touch is electric a fiery inferno spreading across his skin and his both thankful and excited to see Chuck shiver. Below them Gipsy opens heart on full display its been too long its breathtaking the familiar sight searing across his vision that inferno how long had it been, his eyes smart throat tightening because it's bittersweet it will always be bittersweet.

 

“Been awhile eh” Chucks voice is soft barely a whisper but he hears it all the same, he nods not trusting himself to speak because it's beautiful and painful all at once. “She’s beautiful” that shoulders presses firmer against his own “You know I used to look up to you guys” he angles his head surprise colouring his gaze the Aussie shrugs unashamed a faint smile pulling his lips those cheeks flushing again “Yeah laugh it up” he doesn’t he never would because its more touching than anything else makes that pain shimmer down to a tolerable ache. “In a way you guys became the dream the ideal my competition I was eager to get out there maybe even jockey with you, Gipsy well she’s been a favourite of mine since the early days just don’t tell Mako she’ll never let me live it down” 

 

he could picture it a much younger Chuck not as broad but with enough arrogance and swagger watching their battles lit with anticipation and barely concealed enthusiasm but then he remembers he left stopped being that Raleigh Becket. Guilt plucks at his chest “You must have been disappointed seeing me then” it comes out more bitter than he intends because he can’t stop that heaviness in his chest that awful guilt clawing at his throat.

 

Chuck frowns shoulders bumping his own a little harder than necessary “Look Ray I’m not good at talking about feelings neither is my old man” he stops taking in a deliberate deep breath as though needing the extra oxygen for courage “It's like I said it wasn’t you to be honest if Stacker had dragged up some other pilot I’d have reacted the same it's not personal I know why you left” another breath

 

“Anyone in their right mind would have mate” he rubs at his face harshly huffing “it finally hit me yeah we’ve gone beyond breaking point this bomb runs it and I know my chances even with backup so” he sighs again shoulders tensing jaw clenching almost too tight again “I lash out it's what I do because being angry is easier it always has been I can use anger let it push me even if people get hurt it all evens out in the end but fear well fears crippling I can’t use fear I’m an asshole yeah but I’d rather be an asshole than some scared kid because at least being an asshole gets the job done” 

 

Without thinking Raleigh reaches out because it makes sense and Jesus his heart ached because none of this was right it wasn’t right for a kid to be so world weary to be so afraid so alone to have the task of not just being a pilot but the pilot, he laces their fingers together half panic when Chuck stares at his hand half expecting the younger pilot to pull away and stalk off or snap 

 

“Chuck” he stops because what can he say he’s about to take his hand back when strong fingers grip his own its almost too tight but he only grips that bit harder himself it feels like a lifeline a connection hovering between them both “You’re a good pilot Ray you’ve been through enough you've survived something I can’t begin to even navigate I wouldn't wish it on anyone but I’m” stormy blues hold him and his breath stills because there's something more than fondness in Chucks gaze it's warm and inviting and it make shim squeeze their fingers together

 

“I’m glad you're here Ray maybe just maybe with you we have a shot” its unspoken but Raleigh hears it clear as day you’ve give me hope and now I don’t feel so alone He presses that much closer enjoying how Chuck relaxes against him their feet idly swinging together “We’ll make it Chuck I promise” when Chuck smiles at him it's like seeing the sun for the first time blinding and pure the sight allows him to actually believe the words.

 

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Things are tense the days following the failed Sim, Mako had tried looking for Raleigh that first day in the mess hall but hadn’t spotted that blonde head anywhere she had quickly retreated after the arctic welcome. She felt jumbled confused a part of her wanted to scream another wanted to cry but there wasn’t time for hysterics she needed to find Raleigh it had been three days already there wasn’t that many places he could be hiding her heart squeezed because she knew the blonde would be taking it alot worse than she was especially after what she had seen in the drift. 

 

She gets subtle glares as she walks the hallways it's nearing evening by the time she makes it back to Raleigh's bunk, the door is shut so she raps her knuckles against it once sharply, there's only silence dread sinks in her stomach she hopes Raleigh hasn’t done anything drastic. She waits and tries again nothing worry begins to bubble in her veins she shifts reaching out but their ghost drift is quiet faint barely there now seeing as their first drift was so brief not overly intense at least not enough to leave a permanent imprint in a way she mourns the loss because when is she going to have the chance to drift again. 

 

“Mako” she doesn’t jump but does tense when she turns Raleigh is watching her brow furrowed with concern, she does a quick inventory his eyes are bright the blue almost electric even in this dim light, skin a bit more coloured he doesn’t look bad almost freer in a sense it doesn’t correspond to the picture she had in her head sure the familiar black creases capture the space beneath his eyes but other than looking a bit tired he seems relaxed. “Raleigh” she offers a smile because its nice and more reassuring than she thought it would be having him nearby again he offers her a smile it’s almost guilty

 

“Want to come in” he gestures to his door a part of her jumps at the invitation but a deeper part has her shaking her head after all bunks were an intimate space it felt too personal entering Perhaps you would accompany me on a walk” his smile becomes lighter as he waits for her to step off his stoop, together they stroll through down the hallway. She doesn’t have a particular spot in mind but finds herself leading them towards the lift, they get a few looks as they pass but no one comments as she brings them up to the observation deck. Its free up here like she can breathe again, the cool Hong Kong air hits her face fresh with the salty scent of the sea and the clogging odour of smoke and ash. 

 

“Mako” Raleigh is looking at her blue gaze patient and understanding all at once of course it makes her feel warmer though the resentment lingers in the back of her mind, she hates herself for that. “Our drift” the words clog in her throat she isn’t aware of how tense she is until his hand falls on her shoulder warm and comforting “It’s my fault” guilt captures his face mouth twisting into a frown 

 

“I threw you first I should have known it would happen it just blindsided me” his eyes glance to the sky to the churning clouds above them and she can’t help but feel they reflect their situation the turmoil capturing both of them.

“It is not only you” she catches his gaze ignoring how that guilt makes her own churn violently “I chased the Rabbit you told me not to you tried to help me but” she trials off because she knows that he understands knows why that particular memory had pulled her

“The drift is chaos Mako” his gaze is warm sympathetic and wiser in a way she’s never seen before he looks older than his twenty six years “No one can really prepare you for it the first time you drift its chaotic and violent it's impossible to prepare, you just have to ride the waves you didn’t do anything wrong we all stumble before we can walk” he offers her a smile and she feels her own lips curling though the guilt still sinks in her gut it feels manageable

 

“Our drift was strong Mako” his eyes are serious intense with something she can’t decipher it makes her cheeks heat “the drift means trust for the first time in five years I took a chance and I trusted you” her heart skips a beat because that gaze settles on her warm and bright “I think I made the right choice” her breath catches because she had never allowed herself to blindly put her faith in anyone else except Sensei

 

“Raleigh I” he turns eyes bright shoulders relaxed she doesn’t know how to convey the sudden thankfulness the spark of affection in her heart so she moves leaning her forehead against his, it feels a little strange due to the height difference but he doesn’t comment he allows her to lean against him breaths mirrored it feels like they might just make it after all. After a moment she steps back a little shy but Raleigh looks unconcerned she grateful that he doesn’t bring up her Rabbit of what it meant and how much Sensei’s disappointment had rattled her. 

 

It's comforting as they stare out at the sea the turbulent waters had always frightened her especially now, the Kaiju were fond of springing up from the titan like waves, as a child they had terrified her as an adult that same fear remained she had hoped piloting with sooth that ache within her, the constant scream for vengeance to relieve that pain drilling at her soul. 

 

“It’s going to be okay Mako” she catches the determination in his gaze it's almost too intense too beautiful “I believe you” she was surprised by how true those words were sure she had been a bit reluctant to have Raleigh on board at first but the drift had given her a deeper look she had felt his pain, that burning fire which flickered in his soul without a doubt she was happy that she had found such a strong pilot to drift with she may fall but Raleigh would catch her no matter how many stumbles it took. 

 

Eventually her stomach rumbled breaking the peace she flushed embarrassed while he chuckled “how about we stop by the mess before hitting the hay” she nods willing her cheeks to calm, she more than grateful that he doesn’t comment. It's easier now walking back she almost doesn’t feel the looks directed their way, despite the late hour the shatterdome is rife with activity the war clock ticking loudly even with the noise, she tries to ignore it. 

 

She spots Max dashing towards the Jaegers and her heart quickens because where Max is Chuck usually follows she hadn’t seen the other pilot since her revelation and it's a little nerve racking. Sure enough she spots Chuck he had always stood out he’s yelling to some of Striker’s techs who look maniac pace quickening the longer Chuck shouts she almost pities them the man was a force to be reckoned with and knew more about Jaegers than most techs. She glances at Raleigh but he’s smiling blue depths twinkling with something close to fondness and something else, it makes that horrible sick acidic feeling slid through her chest but she pushes it aside because she’s just looking into things a little too much she always has.

 

“Chuck” she doesn’t know if she wants to strangle Raleigh or sink through the floor she settles for keeping her face blank as the Australian turns there's a steady trickle of sweat working past his brow, she can’t help but follow its path greedily taking in the damp shirt stretched too tight, the stead flush covering his jaw. His stormy blues lighten lips stretching into a wicked grin “Oi Ray” he makes his way over Max hot on his heels she lets herself admire the military strut hides her hitched breath as he stops just so, Max is less composed ambling into her legs head smashing against her knees as he rises up. 

 

Unable to resist she bends quickly scratching the soft fur and cooing softly. “Giving the tech s are hard time again” Raleigh sounds amused lips matching Chucks grin “Wouldn't have to if they could follow simple instructions sometimes I gotta wonder how half of em made it” his shoulders are tense jaw clenching ever so slightly but his eyes are rolling she admires the colour more so in this lighting the greens more prominent than in the dim light of the hanger. 

 

“What would we do without you” Raleigh sounds patronizing she winces expecting Chuck to snap back instead the pilot surprises her by scoffing “Damn straight” she feels a little out of place glancing p at the two pilots it feels like she’s missing something there's an easy air about them a camaraderie that wasn't there before she’s feels envy spark in her veins because how could they have develop such a thing in such a short space of time apologizes notwithstanding. She focuses on Max so she misses the look Raleigh gives Chuck as he inclines his head towards her, ignores the frustrated huff Chuck gives before submitting 

 

“Mori” she glances up willing her cheeks to remain calm because looking Chuck in the eyes feels like she’s automatically going to spill her secrets his gaze is soft almost apologetic. He huffs again hand scrubbing at his face before he moves angling to bow deeply it's quite the sight. She can’t help to shocked gasp spilling from her lips, the sound makes those broad shoulders tense but he doesn’t move “I’m sorry about before” it comes out softer than she expected before he rises cheeks flushing her heart skips throat tightening warmth curls in her gut only spreading when he offers her a slow and sincere smile.

 

She shifts feeling that spiral of lust catch her veins and slither between her legs, she swallows “Thank you Chuck” it comes out a little more breathless than she would have liked she hopes he blames it on her surprise she’s rarely ever this ruffled usually clings to her iron composure with tight hands. Stormy blues sparkle but give no indication to whether or not he understands the true reason behind her heated cheeks and shy gaze. Max barks and she’s grateful for the interruption reaching to pat the bulldogs head one last time before staggering to her feet

 

“I’ll catch you in the kwoon later” Chucks gaze has fallen on Raleigh again her heart constricts when she sees her co pilots filthy smirk “Planning on getting another beating kid” she's waiting for the anger the violent storm that always follows instead Chuck grumbles flicking Raleigh's chest once a mirror of the same action he performed three days ago the move makes Raleigh's electric blues darken “We’ll see old man” his gaze falls on her briefly “I’ll catch you later Mori” he offers Raleigh another grin before whistling for Max who immediately trots after him oblivious to any other but his master. 

 

She holds back a sigh turning to Raleigh a little annoyed that his gaze is following Chuck “Mess hall” he blinks dazed before nodding “After you” this time the silence doesn’t feel as comfortable in fact when Raleigh walks beside her her hands shake, fury coating her skin like a silken caress but she pushes it down Raleigh hasn’t done anything to warrant her anger so she ignores her rage and pushes aside the ugly feeling sinking in her gut, she was just looking into things too much. Still she can't help but feel that she had been replaced that she had lost before she had even begun that thought presses her lips together even as Raleigh smiles. 

She finds that for once the sight makes her sick.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this was actually tougher to write than I thought so I hope I met the mark I'll try to update as soon as I can comments are appreciated even if it's to criticize 
> 
> criticism makes me work on any flaws
> 
> Also apologies for any weird sounding dialogue its one of those things I really need to work on so bear with me


	3. Perfect Match

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone I know its been ages since I've updated this originally I had planned to update and put this up the day after I finsiehd the next chapter for my other fic but I got distracted then the next week the week i finally had a long weekend as in I got 2 days off work I came down with somethign really bad I mean I haven't been that ill since I was liek 7 so I;m only just getting back on my feet now and trying to get things back in order
> 
> Hopefully I'll have the next chapter up next week
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy and that this chapter came out right because I'm a little rusty 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who left Kudos it really means alot I'm not joking it makes my day and to everyone who's actually bothered to read this!
> 
> Comments are appreciated more so I can get an idea into what everyone is thinking
> 
> Anyways enjoy

 

It’s almost too easy to fall into a pattern a routine and he has Chuck to thank for it honestly Raleigh was a little thrown by how the kid kept surprising him beneath that rough exterior and sharp tongue the kid was quiet the catch, charming with enough intelligence to burn he felt drawn like a helpless moth to a flame. They spent alot of time together as the days passed he became Chucks shadow to an extent, it seemed the kid was genuinely happy for the company would often shoot him those little smiles when he thought he wasn’t looking. That was not to say they agreed on everything it was actually their differences which made their conversations that bit more interesting, Chuck had been horrified to learn how little Raleigh knew about jaeger tech similarly he had been almost insulted to learn that the Australian knew nothing about Star Trek or movies in general still it made for some fun if not interesting debates.

 

 

It was all so natural with Chuck like breathing time slipped away all too easily he became so comfortable around the kid enough so to start sharing little bits about himself hell he even mentioned Yancy as few times almost passing out with relief when mentioning his brother didn’t immediately bring on an onslaught of debilitating pain, in turn Chuck opened up to him slowly he talked about his desire to become a pilot, his need for perfection and sometimes just sometimes late in the evenings when they sat in the bay or on the observation deck he would mention his mom the way one would some great deity always in soft hushed tones never making eye contact. It made Raleigh feel special honoured to be trusted with something so intimate, it had been an age since he felt so close to someone but he embraced it, Chuck brought out all these feelings sensations he thought he had buried it was addictive, he craved the time they spent together, hearing the kids laugh or seeing that smile he tried to tell himself that things were good he hadn’t been expecting such a deep connection with the kid considering how they started he should be happy content but he still wanted more.

 

 

Sometimes Chuck looked like he wanted it to, it was in the way his gaze would linger, how that jaw clenched, how he stood just a little too close at times before backing away, all of these things made heat boil under his skin and he wanted. He spent more time admiring those broad shoulders, that heated gaze then he was willing to admit, then there were the dreams, he was haunted by slick skin and piercing stormy depths, the feel of rough hands stroking over his skin before slipping between his legs, it was like being a teenager all over again. He woke up throbbing more times than he cared to admit but he resisted the urge to touch himself because it felt dirty especially given how much the pilot was beginning to mean to him. The rest of the Shatterdome thankfully pulled his attention away Pentecost was adamant they find him a new co-pilot, given how little time was left in all honesty they were all waiting for the call for the next attack with bathed breath. Chuck confessed how nerve wrecking it was going out when that alarm struck, there had never been so few Jaegers and he began to fear for the kid because he was strong but by God the Kaiju were getting stronger and they all knew the likelihood of surviving an attack especially these days. He couldn’t tell Chuck that though because the Aussie was stubborn might even take it as a challenge it was an arrogance born from pain and victory but under the cover of darkness the younger pilot confessed how brutal those wins have been, how hard the climb had been from a candidate to a full-fledged pilot every victory well-earned every hit taken with promise. It hadn’t come as a surprise to learn how resented Chuck had been many had taken it for granted assuming the Australian had gotten a free ride given how famous his dad was Chuck had to earn his place work harder than anyone else, it made him desire him that bit more because Chuck wasn’t a kid he was soldier hardened from years of war both on the front line and among his peers.

 

 

It became quite clear that there were two sides to Chuck the cocky self-assured pilot who carried arrogance like a prized jewel and the real Chuck the intelligent, loyal, dedicated man who was willing to lay down his life all too easily to spare others from pain and loss, it was a little frightening seeing how easily the kid could flip between the two one minute they would be talking and then as soon as a tech appeared or God forbid Herc there was that arrogance walls up and holding firm, he hated seeing Chuck shield himself away like that especially towards his own father but that was a sensitive minefield he hadn’t dared navigate. Chuck wasn’t one for feelings he had been telling him the truth but he caught the gist there was a resentment there, an old pain which had never truly healed and he could understand being left alone while your dad went off and did God knows what but Herc was trying at least these days it seemed so. Still it wasn’t his place maybe one day he could feel secure in approaching Chuck about it because without Herc he didn’t think the kid had any family and he knew how important family was he had lost his mom, his dad, Yancy and he wasn’t even sure if Jazmine was still out there. So things were going as well as they could be considering the circumstances and he was hoping that Mako and him could overcome the odds and still pilot together but she was really confusing him these days at times she was like an old friend laughing and smiling and others she was distant cold and cutting it was baffling, he wasn’t sure who to talk to about it or if it was even personal because the way things were it would be perfectly acceptable to be a little on edge and not one’s self but there was this nagging doubt in the back of his mind that there was more to it than that.

 

 

 

“Raleigh” he blinked shaking the thoughts aside as Tendo approached seeing the guy was bittersweet the guy plucked at memories the exchanged banter the guy would share with him and his brother it hadn’t helped knowing Yancy had been fooling around with Tendo but there had been a definite strain especially when he discovered Yancy had cheated on the guy, seeing that in the drift hadn’t been exactly pleasant. “Tendo” he kept his wariness to himself because although the guy hadn’t treated him any different it wasn’t like he was coming here to tell him anything good the guy rarely left his station so he was already dreading the news.

 

Sure enough “Marshall’s got some new candidates lined up for you” he suppressed the fury catching his chest keeping his face smooth “That was quick” Tendo shrugged watching him with caution and he wanted to snap because damn he wasn’t some loose cannon he could handle it his teeth grind with the force of the clench but then Tendo smiles “You know Marshall always one step ahead I uh” the guy fidgeted casting a quick glance around the bay

 

“haven’t told Miss Mori yet maybe you could” he wanted to sigh but instead he smiles because it’s not Tendo’s fault so he claps the guy on the back happy when he receives a smile back “No worries Tendo no point in shooting the messenger” there’s a light chuckle and the sound makes that fury slide away at least for a little bit  “Thanks man” and the guys gone strolling away steps that bit lighter he almost envies him instead he focuses on the war clock the steady ticking is like an ominous reminder every tick makes his heart drop that bit further and then he’s itching because he needs to do something anything he should find Mako or Pentecost because he knows there’s no one else she’s the only one compatible enough and the man would be blind to ignore the fundamental logic to it.

 

Techs manage to give him a nod as he passes many of them recognise him from spending so much time with Chuck and none had wanted to get on the Aussie’s bad side so had stowed away any complaints or wicked glances. It doesn’t take long to find Mako she’s almost to the kwoon but looks guilty when he catches her though the expression is quickly shuttered away “Mako” she smiles when she sees him and he’s relieved returning the gesture with gusto “Raleigh” they fall into step “I was just about the head to the kwoon before talking to Sensei care to join me” she still smiling so he feels safe enough in nodding “I’d love to” the silence is pleasant enough between them but he’s still on edge because he knows he’s going have to break the news and knowing her she’s not going to take it well.

 

“Mako” he resists the urge to look away as she turns to him brown depths glittering with intrigue he takes a breath “Marshall’s lined up some new candidates for me” there quick and easy and sure enough he sees how hard she flinches the first stirrings of hurt and anger catching her jaw before its quickly shuttered away behind that cold mask. “I see” That's what she says but he can hear the anger the naked hurt and disbelief, he touches her arm quickly snatching it back when she flinches away “Mako I’ll talk to him we both know your my best match even he can’t deny that I’ll make him listen” she nods but it’s almost robotic

 

 

“Sensei knows best Raleigh” it’s so resigned so defeated he stops causing her to glance back at him confused “Marshall is a good leader I have to give him that but that doesn’t mean he’s right about everything your my co-pilot we just have to make him see that” she frowns but there something like hope sliding across her face “Raleigh” he continues not prepared to give in so easily “We can run another Sim we know what to expect this time” her face flushes but she nods “I don’t think Sensei will approve” there’s a small smile pulling her lips so he grins back “I never was one for the rules” he pushes away the image of Yancy the memories of Knifehead plucking at his mind “It will be difficult going behind Sensei's back” she looks thoughtful as they near the kwoon but he shrugs because getting into the sim won’t be that difficult “Leave it to me” the reward outweighs any negatives the risk brings he’s expecting the kwoon to be empty so he’s surprised to hear the voices loud and sharp as they enter.

 

 

“Leave it old man” him and Mako stop at the sight of Chuck and Herc the elder Hansen has a hand stretched out towards his son eyes stormy as Chuck glares back shoulders tense and jaw clenched hard enough to hurt, they’re both covered in sweat bare footed and breathing hard. He feels concern crush his chest as Mako freezes beside him eyes narrowing in contemplation “Chuck” Herc sounds exasperated and tired all at once even as his hand drops “I said leave it” Chuck’s glare doesn’t budge neither do his shoulders relax Herc sighs hands rubbing at his face resignation riding his shoulders “It’s just an option” he finally notices them as his gaze sweeps their way he looks tired bone weary and Raleigh sees only because he’s looking the flash of concern flaring in Chucks glare just for a second before being swept away.

 

 

“Becket, Mori” he walks past them without further comment the room fills with cold silence he’s trying to think of something to say because Chuck looks angry but there's something like fear lurking there it’s in the way he abruptly turns from them to crash his fists into the bag. The heavy clang of metal rings through the air from the force “Chuck” its Mako who speaks she’s eyeing the younger pilot with concern and he briefly feels a flicker of acid burn in his gut because he knows that the two grew up together have similar interests and it wouldn’t be much of a stretch to imagine the two of them becoming something much more intimate.

 

“Mori” Chuck gives her a brief nod but he doesn’t stop hitting she drifts closer “Is everything alright” she’s wise enough not to get too close it almost feels like their cornering some vicious animal the thought shakes him from his frozen state “Your hitting that bag pretty hard there kid” he’s hoping for the usual scathing response maybe even a smile. Chuck pauses and turns around fully for a second he thinks he’s going to be hit again like all of their progress will be eradicated but once again he’s misjudged the kid because the younger pilot snorts “hardly a kid Raleigh” he drawls out his name and before it would have provoked him but now he smiles fond and warm all at once.

 

“It’s nothing” he looks at Mako when he says it shrugging, she frowns and he can see the gears turning and practically hear her thought process “Herc looked agitated” it’s meant to be subtle, Chuck shrugs again moving to grab his water Raleigh tries not to pay too much attention to how the water slides down his throat to the way the muscles jump when he swallows in a delicious dance. He swallows and looks way but not before those stormy depths are catching his own and there’s something there in Chucks gaze dark and heated it makes his skin tingle anticipation to curl in his gut. He can’t look away especially when the other pilot swallows again much slower this time deliberate gaze never moving almost daring, he shouldn’t but he can’t help but picture it that mouth swallowing him down those muscles tightening against him with every gulp, those eyes would look the same daring and defiant maybe there would be a flash of teeth just a hairs breath away from being painful.

 

 

He shifts silently wishing he had thought to bring looser pants and still Chuck doesn’t look away his gaze sweeps over him slowly hot and intense all too knowing something like victory sparking there as his mouth curls into a smirk “It’s nothing Mori” his face flushes because he had almost forgotten she was there he swallows gaze sweeping towards Mako, it felt like an eternity had passed but if anything it had only been a second and Mako didn’t look like anything was amiss. “Chuck” she fidgets hands reaching to clasp together uselessly as Chuck moves away grabbing his towel

 

“I need to check on Striker and grab a shower yeah I’ll see you both later” Mako frowns she looks lost as she watches the other pilot leave Raleigh almost wishes he was in her place because despite the ample amount of space available Chuck makes sure to slide right against him as he passes, the feel of that solid weight pressing against him slick with sweat makes his fingers curl and pants to tighten. He’s glad and disappointed by the loss as Chuck leaves he has to take a slow breath before looking at Mako and sure enough she’s frowning head titling in a thoughtful arch.

 

 

“Mako” she blinks gaze settling on him and its warm for once “It’s not unusual for Chuck and Herc to fight but this doesn’t seem like a familiar disagreement” he tries to push aside that acid clawing at his chest the slow trickle of anger catching his hands because he has no right to be jealous after all Mako has known the Aussie pilots alot longer than he has and clearly has a deeper understanding of their dynamic unfortunately knowing that only makes that burning worse as he swallows trying to push past the sick lump in his throat. “I’m sure it’s nothing” he offers a smile but she only frowns harder before sighing

 

 

“It’s not as though we will get an answer either way Chuck would never divulge anything and Herc” she crinkles her nose it’s kinda cute causing him to chuckle because yeah he can imagine trying to get the elder Hansen to talk the words painful and awkward don’t even begin to cover it. She joins in before settling into a smile “I should go talk to Sensei” she pauses before leaving hand reaching out to brush across his shoulder briefly the sudden affection throws him a little but he goes with it “I apologise Raleigh if I may not seem like myself this past few days I’ve been trying to tackle a particular problem I hope I have not come across as difficult” he shrugs biting back the impulsive urge to say yes “I understand Mako anyone would be a little on edge I’ll talk with you later” she offers another smile before leaving. He takes a breath before shrugging free of his sweater its oddly soothing the repetitive beating of the bag helps to ease away that residual anger and bitterness later he’ll have a talk with Tendo but for now the bag is all that matters.

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Another body falls to the ground it’s almost embarrassing how quickly this one had succumbed Chuck holds back the urge to scoff barely. He can feel the old man watching him gaze heavy and knowing he resists the urge to turn and snap only because underneath it all he still feels that flicker of fear. Instead he watches Raleigh and is once again overcome with that admiration because the seppo may have been gone for five years but has lost none of his skill or impressive build, he tries not to focus on the sheen of sweat on the guy’s brow or the way his muscles flex and ripple because he has to focus.

 

 

The Marshall's insistence on Becket finding another co-pilot when there was already one compatible didn’t sit right with him, he knows Mako the girl was ambitious, stubborn and could be force to be reckoned with he thinks the real reason she’s been benched is simple the guy doesn’t want to lose her and fair enough he can understand but it also makes his hackles rise because what made it okay for him to save her and send the rest of them out there like domino's just waiting to fall. “Next” there’s no change in that expression the Marshall looks as cold as always face twisted in that usual mask of impassiveness, Raleigh offers a curt nod but there's tension riding along the line of his shoulders jaw clenched too hard and he knows the guy is holding back restraining the urge to snap and bite. A part of him wants to see him break to cast aside that tranquil like shield he wears to see that fire again because when he had seen it in the hallway despite the pain it brought and the bruises it had made desire flare along his skin and respect to rupture in his chest. Raleigh was an inferno a firestorm in the making it was beautiful to watch and despite all those warnings as a kid he loved playing with fire because Becket was dangerous no matter how tame he appeared nowadays just underneath the surface there was that lethal rage the one which made the Kaiju fall with such speed and carnage.

 

 

“Two zero” he ignores the way his old man looks at him with every point called because he can’t he won’t his fingers clench and he ignores the way a few of the onlookers back away he breaths as another candidate is thrown down with a little more force than necessary and the look Raleigh throws the Marshall is challenging streaked with defiance and still the Marshall gestures for the next candidate but the guy looks reluctant as he steps in front of Becket fingers twitching with nerves. He understands Raleigh’s frustration the familiar sounds of the kwoon sweeping him back to his own compatibility testing, he remembers how smug they had been at first fighting him attempting to land bruises and split lips but he was alot stronger than he had been when he first settled in the Shatterdome had learned how to hold his own. It had taken alot of black eyes and split lips sometimes if he closes his eyes he can still taste the blood in his mouth feel the impact of the hits littering across his body but things had changed, he learned how to become stronger and it hadn’t taken long to be able to plant his own lethal hits and it was satisfying his first fight seeing the blood decorating his knuckles it had made him feel powerful strong like he had been worthy of stepping into a jaeger, soon the word had spread they had learned not to pick on him anymore but they had tried again in the kwoon, if anything he had been even more lethal there.

 

 

It still felt raw sore like an ache a wound to his ego being bested by Becket but he had no one to blame but himself because he hadn’t acted with his usual precision had thrown away all those years of training and practice and given into childish impulsive rage, he should have known to expect Mori’s technique but he hadn’t taken a second just a second to think still, he eyed the blond unable to prevent the smirk as the American landed another smooth hit despite the awkward and difficult act of swallowing his pride it had given him the chance to know the guy the man behind the fame and grief. It surprised him how much he liked the guy how much they complimented each other, the seppo had wormed his way past his walls and it was nice beyond nice actually because despite his dad and Max he had no real connections. He got on well with the Kaidanovsky’s even the Wei’s but he kept them at arm’s length but with Raleigh it was different he didn’t want to ask himself why out of everyone he allowed the blond that close hell he even talked about his mom with the guy and among the Hansen’s that was a red alert danger zone.

 

 

His thoughts shatter as Raleigh rises he’s breathing hard the tank he wears shows some of the scars from Knifehead despite the lengthy healing process they look vivid a cruel reminder to how fragile they really were those usual calm blues are stormy but the Marshall ignores it all “We’ll break for an hour then try again” he’s gone and the onlookers begin to disperse he’s aware of Sasha watching him the Russians gaze feels all too knowing as her lips twist into a feral grin he ignores the urge to shrink in on himself he had no qualms admitting that the woman terrified him, he hears more than sees his old man sigh and can feel his irritation loud and clear through the ghost drift but he ignores it because he can’t.

 

“A little too easy wouldn’t you say baby Hansen” he offers his own smirk pushing aside the nerves when it only widens her grin “Looks like Becket's taking it easy” he gives the blond a quick one over “needs some real competition I reckon” the look Sasha gives him reminds him of a viper poised and ready to strike “My thoughts exactly” he stays still as her gaze sweeps over him and despite the feral quality to her grin there’s a mischievousness to her gaze a softness curling her lips.

 

He’s thankful when her husband appears large build easily distinguishable “Child’s play” he sounds annoyed but he does catch Raleigh’s attention and suddenly he’s right there beside them all dripping sweat and rippling muscle. “Oh” there’s no tranquillity to the American now he’s all repressed anger and scathing resentment “Marshall is wasting time you are a lion playing with kittens it is a waste” Sasha looks disgusted lips curling as she gestures to the now empty kwoon

 

“You deserve a challenge someone worthy this is” she flails settling for glaring while her husband offers her a warm hand. The words cause the blond to relax ever so slightly and a part of him is glad because he knows Raleigh doesn’t seem to have the best self-preservation instincts tackling Sasha into a match would be a mistake worthy of a hundred beatings he should know. “Marshall is listening too much to ez heart” she sighs “Good luck Becket take care of im baby Hansen he needs competent partner” he doesn’t get to respond because she’s gone marching away before either of them can speak. He hears Raleigh sigh bringing his focus back and gone is the anger he just looks tired bone weary the look doesn’t sit well so he clears his throat

 

“she’s right” electric blues sear his vision the colour should be illegal because the guy just doesn’t have blue eyes they pierce and make him feel like there tearing beneath his flesh seeing all his secrets and hidden thoughts. “Your too skilled mate this lot doesn’t stand a chance” he gets a tired smile and those blues are darkening

 

 

“Thanks Chuck” he sighs that tiredness more obvious than ever “ I don’t know Chuck I understand I need a pilot but I can’t understand why he’s fighting me so hard on this I know Mako means alot to him but” hands brush through that blond hair he wants to catch them he pushes away the sudden urge by shifting “Mako will set it right it’s not like he can resist her for long besides your compatible can’t look a gift horse in the mouth even if you’re the Marshall” the laugh surprises him makes that traitorous blush make an appearance he wills himself to ignore how something flutters in his chest with the sound “Thanks Chuck” he places one hand on his shoulder and it burns like an electric pulse making him hyper aware of that one spot, he shifts swatting it aside “Easy drongo” he takes a step back but Raleigh doesn’t move there’s something stirring in those blues and it makes his heart lurch because he’s seen a few of those looks knows that the guy is thinking something filthy but as always those blues blink and then its Raleigh stepping back.

 

 

He tries not to curse to crush the indignant disbelief curling in his gut but his patience is running thin he just wants the American to do something he knows the older pilot watches him when he thinks he’s not looking knows that he wants more and the anticipation is slowly killing him sure it was fun teasing him especially when the guy was so hell bent on maintaining their friendship but there's a spark there and he wants it. Becket's attractive all solid muscle and smooth skin, the scars to most would probably be a turn off but he appreciates them because they scream how hard the guy has fought how much he has survived and he respects that, then there’s the eyes an endless sea of blue he had wanted Becket the moment he latched eyes on the guy and aside from the physical aspect he liked him hell he liked the guy more than he had anyone in the past and it terrified him. Becket made him feel alive invincible in a way only a jaeger had so far it was a rush a thrill and he craved more but he needed Becket to break first call it stubbornness but he wanted to see that restraint shatter to know he was responsible that didn’t mean the guy was making it easy and was thoroughly testing his patience. “You should take it easy old man you’ve only got an hour” those blues glare at him defiant and challenging desire curls across his skin hot and heavy he can almost taste it.

 

 

He takes another step back intent to leave because he needs to go over a few more improvements to striker before their deployed again he needs it to go as smoothly as possible that and Max would need a walk soon the little guy deserved some sense of normality. “Fancy a match” Becket sounds a little breathless and normally he would jump at the chance but he can’t because he doesn’t want to risk it not after everything his old man said. He smirks “Another time mate got some things I need to run by strikers crew” he turns but there’s a hand gripping his shoulder too hot and too tight “Don’t think it will take too long kid” he hears the smirk so he turns and sure enough Becket's grinning at him one eyebrow raised even as his hand drops slowly.

 

 

“Unless your too scared understandable really considering how easy you went down last time” it’s a challenge aimed to get a rise out of him and damn it its working he can feel how his shoulders tense as his stance widens he shouldn’t but he’s itching to see that fire again and to prove just how wrong he is. “Lucky shot mate this time I won’t go easy on ya” Becket’s grin widens something dark capturing the blaze of blue it sends that desire to press hotly against his skin spiralling down. “Music to my ears” he shrugs out of his jacket and boots placing both off to the side he leaves his tags on despite the potential hazard they could bring, he accepts the bo and then their facing one another. He waits taking a breath in out its a familiar technique and sure enough it all falls way his emotions tapering off there’s only that rhythm steady strong. Raleigh is surprised no doubt expecting a vigorous offensive assault but Chuck looks calm eerily composed nothing like the twisted mesh of anger and viciousness he had been in the hallway, his skin tingles with anticipation breath stuttering and Chuck just watches him stormy depths serene.

 

 

The familiar curl of adrenaline hits his gut and this feels strangely exciting almost like the wait is just a pretext to some finer moment to something much grander so he gives himself a few seconds to bask in it and then he strikes. The first hit is blocked and then so is the second the force of it vibrates up his arm and then Chuck strikes it’s beautiful and powerful a lethal force meant to shatter bone and inflict the most mind numbing of pain, the Aussie is a lightning storm much faster and agile than he expected. They spar with ease it becomes a dance an intimate collection of movement so familiar it’s as though they had been moving together for years, every hit is blocked every offence promptly deflected. His heart pounds with something much more than adrenaline now because he’s never felt this alive this complete before it’s like looking in a mirror and Chuck is his reflection. Heat spreads throughout his core skin tingling this is so much more nothing like his compatibility with Mako nothing like sparring with Yancy it’s so much more intense so perfect it steals his breath. He can’t suppress the grin even if he wanted to this feels right and Chuck’s smiling back at him not a smirk not a feral grin but a soft gentle curl of lips it makes him look much younger.

 

 

He doesn’t want it to end this feeling so they continue fire meets lightning like a silken caress there’s only the two of them the rest of the world falls away there’s no worry no heightened alarm, no kaiju, no Marshall there’s just them but all good things have to come to an end and sure enough it all falls apart when he hears that sharp intake of breath. He stops blinks it feels like being slashed with ice or smacking his face into the pavement reality slinks back with sudden force Mako is watching them those brown depths are wide with something akin to awe but she’s not alone. Behind her the Marshall looms and for once that composure has slipped away he looks taken aback clearly thrown for once if that wasn’t bad enough he spots the crowd lingering around them and it feels all too much too suffocating because their all watching them eyes blown wide with curiosity and the whispers that follow fill the room like a horde of angry bees.

 

 

It feels wrong he doesn’t know why but his hands curl into fists and he wants to scream because they shouldn’t be watching what was happening between him and Chuck it felt too intimate to be viewed by anyone else too fresh and fragile, he’s not aware he’s moved until his shoulder brushes against the younger pilot and the sudden contact makes him jump. He wants to ignore the voice in his head which sounds suspiciously like Yancy asking him why he feels the urge to shield Chuck from view because the kid could handle himself with ease but still he finds himself glaring at everyone shoulders tense and fingers curled so tight he fears his knuckles will snap.

 

“Mr Becket Mr Hansen” finally the Marshall looks more composed but there’s this calculated smile curving his lips the sight shouldn’t make dread to snake across his chest but it does and then there’s Mako she looks hurt he can see it beneath the mask as her fingers curl around her clipboard her gaze is centred on Chuck and he shouldn’t feel annoyed by that but he does. Speaking of he looks behind him and Chuck looks frozen like a kid who’s been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to and is now completely transfixed unable to dig his way out but there’s something else and it takes Raleigh a moment to realise its terror pure blind fear. He can hear Chucks word ringing though his ears how terror is debilitating how he can’t act with it, his heart surges and that urge to protect increases tenfold but before he can act Herc’s there appearing beside Stacker like some sort of apparition.

 

“Chuck” the older Hansen looks resigned but firm and he’s not sure if it’s the tone or just the sudden appearance but it springs Chuck into action “No” it’s said with such venom such strong willed determination that the elder Hansen and the Marshall blink even Mako takes a step back. The crowd even start to give them wide berth and it’s clear why because Chuck has lost that softness that calm serene during their spar he’s drawn tighter than a bowstring every inch of muscle poised and ready to fight “Chuck” Herc sounds exasperated but there’s a hint of something else colouring his tone if Raleigh was a betting man he might say it was sadness or loss in a sense but it’s a good thing he’s not much of a gambler.

 

“I said no” Chuck grabs his boots and jacket jaw clenched almost shaking if you looked close enough “Mr Hansen I expect to see you and Mr Becket in my office” there’s no arguing with that tone he should know but Chuck surprises him once again “I know what you’re thinking Marshall but you’re wasting your time” “Chuck” Herc looks more agitated now that familiar disappointment and agitation is lining his face it’s like watching an old tired dance because he sees how Chuck instantly shutters away the hurt the naked plea for help behind that mask how his walls ram right up as he smirks “Forget it old man if I’m dying I’m choosing how to go and I’m sure as hell not bending over backwards for anyone Marshall or not” he tries to quell the panic the sudden ice in his chest when he hears those words but this time he’s the one who’s frozen.

 

 

“Oi you’re a ranger Goddamn it have some respect” there’s such fury and it’s like watching someone pour gasoline on a fire because Chucks face flushes and there’s that fury that familiar rage and Herc looks just as incensed face flushed and everyone is watching it’s like a car crash you know what’s going to happen how bad it will be but no one can look away.

 

“Respect the man’s sending us on a suicide mission and you expect me to be fucking gracious about it” Raleigh wants to stop it wants to at least step between them but “That man has done more for us than anyone else walking you ungrateful brat why can’t you ever act like a decent human being” he winces because it’s aimed to hurt aimed to cut the Aussie down but Chuck just gets angrier muscles taut and poised but he doesn’t think the kid will hit Herc he’s the only one who seems to because the Marshall has taken a step forward and Mako is wide eyed. “Like you would know anything about that I’ve bent over backwards I’ve done everything asked of me and more and it’s never enough for you is it no matter how many kaiju I kill it’s the same shit I’m one of the best fucking rangers out there but it’s never enough what more do you want me to be”

 

 

“A better person” silence and for a brief second Raleigh sees how Herc even stills like he knows he’s pushed too much like he knows the lines been crossed. The crowd finally seem to have the sense to disperse but it’s too late the damage has been done “A better person” it’s said so quietly but it rings clear before it would have been satisfying seeing Chuck get his just desserts but know it’s painful to watch to see the young pilot stripped of those walls just for a moment and there’s such hurt such self-loathing and emptiness it stings his eyes pierces his chest and he sees from the corner of his eye how Mako reaches out one hand pressing to her lips

 

 

“You know what at least you can’t blame yourself because you didn’t raise me to be anything after mom died I spent more time with these machine than I ever did with you they’re the only reason you and I even speak anymore old man is because we’re drift compatible you know what” there’s a smile now touching Chucks face but it looks out of place self-deprecating and cruel “we don’t even need to speak at all catch you in the drift dad” and then Chucks gone the crowd part around him but no one speaks. Herc looks dazed he’s too still the saddest part is that the words aren’t really meant to hurt they were said so factual so honestly it was enough to break the strongest of men. Raleigh exchanges a glance with Mako because he knew the Aussies dynamic was a little complicated strained even but this was something else. Stacker places a hand on Herc’s shoulder there’s this compassionate little frown between his brows but Herc only shrugs it off face impassive as he strides away no one’s foolish enough to say anything.

 

 

“Marshall” for a beat he fumbles with what to say but Stacker only sighs “My office Mr Becket make sure Mr Hansen is with you” and then he’s striding away leaving Mako in his wake. Thankfully she approaches him brown depths a little wet but he doesn’t comment on that “Mako” she waves a hand offering a slight smile “It is nothing to fear Raleigh Sensei always knows best” he wants to believe her but he feels out of place that dread almost suffocating his chest and then there’s Chuck. His heart pangs causing him to absently rub at the spot he’s not sure he can handle the Aussie sure they had become closer but he didn’t feel the slightest bit qualified to deal with any of this still it wasn’t like they had a whole lot of time to linger on such things, the Kaiju were still out there and they still had a job to do as harsh as it was. “We’ll see” she nods before gesturing to the door

 

“Chuck will either be in his bunk or the observation deck he tends to throw himself into work after these confrontations don’t take too long Sensei only has so much patience” he bites back the urge to snap because of course the Marshall never lost sight of the prize in any other circumstance hell a few days ago he would have agreed with the guy but now. “Thanks Mako” another nod before she too drifts away a part of him wonders why she didn’t feel the need to seek out Chuck herself the logical answer would be that she wouldn’t have time for such things logical or not it makes something like satisfaction sparkle in his veins until he remembers what’s probably waiting for him once he runs into the Aussie. With a sigh he takes one last breath before squaring his shoulders and marching out of the kwoon no time like the present.

 

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

A better person the words just keep bouncing around in his head like some annoying beat he closes his eyes just for a second but that only makes it worse. He knew it he should have known better it’s not like it was the first time he had disappointed the old man or the first time they had a public verbal sparring match but this time the old man had hit too close to home and he hated himself for that for letting those words get to him. It made him feel weak and of course everyone had seen he could hear the whispers now not that anyone would dare say anything to his face even if sometimes he wished they would he could use a fight but then again that would only prove the old man right wouldn’t it.

 

 

He shouldn’t have sparred with Becket he knew there was a chance his old man had been like Max with one of his bones unwilling to let the idea go that they could be compatible but he couldn’t he liked Becket the seppo was probably the only human being aside from his dad that he was close to and if that wasn’t messed up in itself he didn’t know what else was but Raleigh had a co-pilot there wasn’t an issue but still the old man kept hinting. In another life sure he would have jumped at the chance but deep down the only thing stopping him now was his old man despite how awful they were at communicating he loved the guy and he couldn’t just leave him alone like that wouldn’t let him die out there all alone if they were going to go they were sure as hell going together. He shouldn’t have sparred with Raleigh he knew what the Marshall would say because the man didn’t care about anything else but getting the job done and sure he liked that about him but he wasn’t going to leave his dad not for anyone he was all he had left.

 

 

Still he had never felt that way before it hadn’t even felt like sparring it made him feel electric alive in a way he never had before it was like being in a jaeger invincible and powerful maybe even more so because he had never felt such a connection before and it had felt intimate like the seppo could see into his soul. He sighs and basks in the soft nudges Max gives him those deep brown depths staring at him with reverence he strokes that too soft fur gently “I can’t do it Max but he’s so adamant about me jockeying with someone else it’s like he can’t wait to be rid of me” another nudge “It’s a mess boy then there’s that stupid seppo he’ll probably just go along with it guys too good too moral for his own sake has no sense of self-preservation he’s worse than you” brown depths glare up at him indignant he huffs but obliges when the little guy rolls over scratching the offered belly with practised strokes.

 

“Not like it’s going to matter soon none of it matters eh I’ll be ash before you know it suicide plans don’t leave much room for survival I’ll miss you I‘ll come back and haunt Tendo’s ass if he doesn’t take care of ya” he stops scratching hoisting the soft mass of fur into his lap Max doesn’t complain immediately moving to press against his chest eyes staring up at him sometimes he wishes he could be Max to just escape the heavy weight riding his shoulders the steely grip grasping his neck. “I hope that drongo makes it guys been through enough Mori too she’s too good to be piloting though she’ll make the rest of us look like ankle biters” he presses the small warm body close “You’ll take care of em all for me yeah course you will there’s no one better for the job I don’t say it enough I reckon but I love you boy you and the old man” he ignores the way his eyes sting but Max doesn’t he leans right up and swipes his tongues across his cheeks he’d never admit it but without Max he was lost he had been there had seen the tears and put up with his mood swings he just hoped he’d be looked after poor guy deserved a shot at normality to feel grass beneath his paws instead of concrete and be free to run as far as he wanted instead of shielded behind steel walls.

 

 

“I know you love me too” he can’t suppress the smile as he tried to bat away more licks but he always had a soft spot for anything Max so he indulges him for a little longer that’s how Raleigh finds him at first he doesn’t notice the blonde because it’s nice just him and Max he feels like he can finally breath when their together there’ no hiding or fighting he can just be. Of course Max notices first he gives once of those happy barks before jumping from his lap and running towards the new source of interest he also wastes no time in rolling over when Raleigh chuckles and obligingly rubs his belly he wants to curse because of course Max liked him too little whore that he is. He gets to his feet before Raleigh looks up just to feel more centred it’s bad enough the seppo had seen just how bad his old man had shook him he doesn’t need to be at a disadvantage too below the techs are busy working oblivious to their presence it had taken a little while to find this particular hiding spot he doesn’t remember telling Raleigh about it either but he lets it go for now. He looks out admiring Strikers looming form the jaeger meant more to him than he cared to admit it wasn’t just a machine it had been the means which kept him and his old man from completely disconnecting from one another, the healing balm for the grief his mother’s death caused knowing it would be gone soon made his chest tight and throat constrict. “Chuck” he ignores the way the blond drifts towards him because he knows what he’s going to say knows what he’s going to ask

 

 

“You know Striker’s probably the last thing keeping me and the old man together without her we’re lost just two strangers stuck together I never thought that I’d have to rely on a machine to keep us together but here we are” he buries the hurt the torturous return of those words “She’s a beauty though it’ll be a real shame watching her go least we’ll go out together can’t say I could picture it any better” “Stop” it’s the tone that gets him the slight plea so he turns and sure enough he’s right there those blue depths intense and dark “We’re going to make it Chuck stop saying” “What it’s the true mate I’ve always known the endgame there’s no point in” he doesn’t get to finish because Raleigh is grabbing his shirt and then their nose to nose the seppo is breathing hard face flushed hold tight enough to bruise “Oi” but he can’t move because he’s being crowded up against the wall Max lets out a bark confused as to the sudden re positioning of his master but soon settles when no one gives him any attention.

 

 

“Chuck Hansen we are going to survive this mission even if I have to drag your ass through it we’ve lost too many people as it is I’m not going to lose anyone else so your either with me or would you prefer to still keep up this melodramatic woe is me attitude because the Chuck I know is a fighter he doesn’t give in no matter how screwed we are” he wants to snap but the words hit a lot harder than he thought they would and yeah immediately he wants to prove the guy wrong prove that they sure as hell can do it despite how crazy it is how impossible and he’s no quitter if anything he shared that with his old man if you had the shot you took it no question. So he pushes down the urge to snap and push instead he relaxes goes lax in the grip “You going to let go of me now you drongo” Raleigh blinks but then he’s grinning wide and bright “Sure thing kid” he’s doing it on purpose

 

 

“Piss off” the grin widens but the grip does loosen he takes a second to enjoy the heat coming off the guy to feel that muscle pressed so close against him but of course the moment he pushes back just the slightest bit the seppo is backing off and stepping away cheeks flushed and eyes trained towards Maw who of course is happily sitting eyes half open. He holds back a sigh and readjusts his jacket all too aware of how those blues are steadily watching him again he doesn’t deliberately slow his movements at least no one would ever know he did. “Chuck” he waits he just knows can feel the questions before they even start

 

 

“Yeah we’re compatible doesn’t change anything” he sees the way Raleigh stiffens mouth twisting into a confused sort of frown “Look Ray I’d love to jockey with ya but I can’t just leave my old man besides Mako’s solid she’ll be a good pilot” he means it too the girl was a demon in the kwoon not fiery enough for his liking but a worthy sparring partner. “I know she’s good but Chuck when we sparred” a breath and then those blues are pinning him down intense and bright all at once “I’ve never felt like that before they way we moved it was more than just compatibility it felt” “Right” he wishes he could staple his mouth hell he wants to slap himself for the slip but Becket looks almost euphoric when he hears him speak it makes his chest warm and that electric pulse to slither along his skin because he knows its right and if sparring had been that intense had established that sort of deep connection he could only imagine what drifting with the guy would be like, it’s almost addictive just thinking about it.

 

 

“I can’t Ray” he swallows but the blonde isn’t giving in of course he had to be just as stubborn as him “Chuck what we have this kind of connection it means something it could mean the difference between coming back whole or not at all we have to at least try” those blues won’t leave his face and when did Becket get so close because suddenly his right there again he swallows but he can’t think and he just wants. “Ray” he needs space because he’s too close and sure he’s hoping something might happen his whole body is practically tingling vibrating with anticipation but this kind of connection feels too intense the knowledge that they were not just compatible but something more was exhilarating and terrifying all at once.

 

 

“Just one Sim Chuck we hear the Marshall out and do one Sim and if you still want things to stay the same I’ll support your decision” how can he argue especially when he’s looking at him like that “Alright Ray” but still Raleigh doesn’t move he swallows and he sees the way those eyes follow the movement dark and wanting “You know Chuck there’s been something I’ve been meaning to do” he tries to withhold the grin but the smirk makes an appearance even as he feels that fire seep through his veins “Well you going to do it or just think about it some more old man” he gets a flash of those blue’s and their blazing and then he’s being pressed back against the wall with more force than necessary and those hands are catching his own pining him in place a part of him wants to push back but another a much deeper part enjoys the feeling of someone taking control enjoys the feeling of someone having such power over him not just physically either.

 

 

His breath stutters as he waits its almost cruel how Raleigh makes him wait his pants are already too tight and embarrassingly he knows any kind of friction will send him over the edge because it had just been too damn long and he had been on edge just waiting. “You talk too much” he wants to respond but finally those lips are on his and its better than he imagined electric and fiery all at once and Raleigh’s kiss isn’t gentle its brutal how forceful he is. That mouth presses against his own with enough force to bruise and those hands slide to his hips gripping so tight its almost painful but he falls into it revels in the feel of it all. He presses back and there’s a brief struggle when a tongue evades his mouth a brief battle before he submits.

 

 

He wants to curse when he feels that smirk against his mouth but Raleigh kisses him like it’s the only thing that matters like he’s oxygen and he’s running out of air. His own hands fall to those shoulders squeeze those taunting muscles before slipping down. Raleigh pulls back briefly when he palms him through his pants and he’s almost too eager to feel him because from what he can tell the seppo is just as impressively built there as he is everywhere else but Raleigh grips his hands and pins them above his head again ignoring the grunts of complaint he makes. He tears his mouth away chest searing with the need to breath lungs burning “Jesus Ray what” but that mouth is on him again and he can’t help the groan the desperate little needy noises escaping his lips his cheeks flare because it’s embarrassing how desperate he feels usually he has more control than this but there’s just something about Becket that gets under his skin.

 

 

He doesn’t stop either Raleigh keeps one hand above his head pining both of his there while the other slips under his shirt trailing across his abs making him shiver and squirm “Look at you” gone is the usual calm to the blondes voice there’s something much darker now the tone much deeper and wanton than he’s ever heard before that hand drifts lower and he holds back a cry when he just grazes him before sliding his hand back to his hip fingers tightening painfully

 

 

“Stop being such a tease Ray” his voice is more breathy than he would like that grip tightens even more and he suppress a hiss but the pain is soothing in its own way “I want to take my time with you Chuck make you beg” a kiss just beside his ear this time before sliding too slowly down those lips parting just enough for him to feel the sharp graze of teeth. He shivers holds back the gasp that presses against his lips but Raleigh is relentless “plead” another kiss “scream I’d want to hear you Chuck every little noise every groan I’d make sure everyone knew just what I was doing” he can’t help himself he bucks up desperate for anything for some type of friction some relief but Raleigh is cruel he kicks his legs apart and presses himself right there but doesn’t move

 

 

“Would you like that Chuck” he tries to move and for once he hates how well built the other pilot is because he doesn’t budge those eyes are more black than blue as they watch him, his skin is on fire he’s never been so turned on and aching in his life and he should be ashamed but he wants more “Fuck Ray” teeth nip him and he cries out from the sudden sting but lips are quick to soothe away the sudden pain are quick to catch his own again. He’s helpless can only press against Raleigh’s mouth and pour everything he’s feeling into it. Its only when Max starts barking that reality comes back full force Raleigh slowly eases off him presses a much gentler kiss to his mouth before pulling away completely he can only blink as a tech appears he’s glad Raleigh is in front of him because there’s no hiding his current state “Marshall is looking for you Mr Becket Mr Hansen” she averts her gaze quickly as Raleigh smiles all charm and ease despite how swollen his lips are or how flushed his skin is

 

 

“We’ll be right there thanks” she casts a look attempting to see him no doubt but Raleigh bless him blocks her view, she’s more disappointed than anything as she nods before scarpering away. He sags against the wall as Raleigh turns back to him oddly apologetic “So I” he shuffles and if he hadn’t just been kissed by the guy he would never have been able to picture just how dominate and powerful the man could be by the way he’s nervously shoving his hands in his pockets.

 

 

“We should probably” he jerks his head towards the archway and the sudden nervousness snaps him out of it “Jesus mate you kiss me like that then act like such a jitterbug you’ve got me worried” “Oh” blue depths search his own “I didn’t mean to come on so strong it’s just well you’ve been driving me crazy Chuck and as a good friend of mine says you have the shot you take it” he can’t help it he laughs Raleigh pouts but soon chuckles himself he’s beautiful when he laughs

 

“In that case you can take the shot anytime mate” its disconcerting how quick the seppo goes from nervous to wanton in a matter of seconds “Believe me I will” there’s such promise in his voice Chuck can’t suppress the shiver Max regards them coolly before ambling to his feet he feels kind of bad for ignoring him but it’s not like he would turn down Becket not if he was going to kiss him like that. He adjusts himself one last time before fingering his neck and cursing

 

“Fucks sake Ray” “What oh” at least Raleigh has the grace to look embarrassed but the image only lasts so long before that smirk takes hold

 

“What can I say I couldn’t resist” he withholds the urge to hit him barely only because he kind of needs him around to fulfil all those dirty promises still the bruise blooming on his neck is going to raise some eyebrows then there was his old man “Did you have to make it so obvious” he ignores the smirk as Raleigh crowds his space again those lips press against his neck gently he doesn’t gasp but he does moan he can’t hide that

 

“I think it’s a good look on you” there’s no time to react when a hand swats his ass hard. “Oi!” the blonde has the gall to laugh running ahead with Max in tow. “Fucking drongo” but he can’t help the smile creeping across his face maybe being compatible might be a good thing after all.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So chapter 3 done and dusted hope you guys enjoyed I was thinking about maybe building it a bit more but then the boys had a mind of their own also didn't plan on Raleigh being the one to take charge but hey stuff happens and why do I find writing Chuck so much easier? 
> 
> Anyways hope you enjoyed I'll update soon


	4. One last chance Mori

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize it's been an age since I updated this fic and I'll be honest I had thoughts of just abandoning it but then I saw just how many people took the time to read this and leave Kudos so It would be unfair to just quit
> 
> I've had a hard time trying to think of things and everything's been a bit too quiet in my head recently but yesterday and today I blared some tunes and knuckled down and thankfully something came out 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy it and I wasn't actually planning on how this turned out but we go where the mood takes  
> us 
> 
> Again I apologize for taking so long and for all the prior massive spelling mistakes I'm disgusted with myself
> 
> Also please go easy on me I've never actually written smut before so I'm hesitant with how things are developing please bear with me
> 
> Thanks to everyone for liking this fic makes me smile and to everyone who's still reading this 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Btw past conversations are in italics when drifting

 

It’s almost too quiet when they make their way to the Marshall’s office, every footstep raining sharply in the empty space, echoing thunderous damming. Chuck tries to keep breathing tries to ignore the electric pulse buzzing beneath his skin with every step, he’s almost painfully aware of Becket beside him just a hairs breath away from touching he’s not sure if he should be disappointed or thrilled either way he’s on edge. They don’t speak and usually the quiet would bother him would set his nerves on edge as he centered on the bleakest reason why such a silence existed but its almost too pleasant warm and soft touching apart of himself he hasn’t felt in years not since he was a young sprog clinging to his mother’s legs wide eyed and innocent. There’s this hum between them this foreign ring in the air if he was a child he would call it magic but he’s outgrown all those notions still deep down he can’t ignore how compatible they are, from the corner of his eyes he notes how synchronized their steps are.

 

 

Blue depths catch his own all too knowing almost manically amused he resists the urge to snap barely but its hard especially when Raleigh smirks at him. Thankfully the Marshall’s door is just in front of him but the sight draws him up short, he hates how that tell tale flicker of dread sinks into his gut how he automatically swallows because he knows how this is going to go down. He respected Stacker sure but he wasn’t going to take back anything he said it was all true after all, deep down he thinks the guy was just waiting for the chance to spare his daughter from jumping into the fray. He takes a breath pushing aside the immediate irritation prickling under his skin all too aware of those blues watching him waiting and if he chances a glance he notices just how wound up Raleigh is. It shouldn’t make him feel better but it does so he forces a grin before propelling the door open, he hears Becket grumble behind him something along the lines of manners but he doesn’t bother to respond.

 

 

 

Sure enough Stacker is there as formidable and unapproachable as ever sitting behind that threadbare desk, he doesn’t bother to react and it only irritates him further when he spots the old man standing nearby gaze heavy and all too familiar. He feels the regret, the threads of an apology through the ghost drift but there’s that stubbornness too, he hates how his automatic response is to grind his teeth jaw clenching too tight and the old man for his part looks just as uncomfortable.

 

 

 

It’s still too raw too fresh it’s been awhile since he let the old man got to him so badly, the fact that everyone more or less witnessed it makes things that bit worse. Normally they’d work it out in the drift but after this he might not be drifting with the old man again, his chest squeezed uncomfortable with the thought and something like sorrow crosses those familiar blues

 

 

“Gentlemen” the Marshall gives them a critical once over he holds back the urge to blush when that gaze lingers across his neck before passing too Raleigh, he’s glad at least they look less rumpled than they did a few minutes prior still he hates how his old man casts him a strange look clearly questioning. “Marshall” Raleigh nods hands moving to clasp behind his back there's a bounce to his step almost too eager, he tries not to mirror it because although the thoughts of drifting with the seppo is exciting he’ll be losing the old man the only co-pilot he’s ever known.

 

 

 

“I think you both know why I’ve brought you here” he ignores that look that almost smug triumphant flare, his jaw strains with the force of his clench he’s thankfully when Raleigh jumps to answer he doesn’t really trust himself to not right now “We’re compatible” it sounds so final so sure, he thinks he hears the old man take a sharp inhale because it was one thing suspecting it was another knowing

 

 

 

“That you are Mister Becket unusually so, when Herc first brought this to my attention I was skeptical however after seeing your sparring session I’m certain you two will be the perfect pair to pilot Gipsy, I’ve already informed Mister Choi and he’s preparing for your drift as we speak” the Marshall rises fingers stapling together he looks triumphant and why wouldn’t he after all this was the answer wasn’t it this way Mako wouldn’t have to step foot into a jaeger wouldn’t have to risk her life for some suicidal mission one doomed to fail and damn he’s not supposed to be thinking that, Raleigh had more or less given him the incentive not to. “Actually Sir” Raleigh is strong enough to withstand the harsh look thrown his way by both the Marshall and his old man but beneath the glare he can sense the threads of hope emitting from the ghost drift.

 

 

 

“Chuck and I were talking I think I should try one more time to drift with Mako we’re just as compatible after all” if looks could kill but he has to give Becket credit he plows on as if he doesn't notice

 

 

 

“if it’s a failure at least we would have exhausted all other options after all if Chuck and I become co pilots there’s no one left to pilot with Herc” he doesn’t like the way the old man keeps glancing at him and there’s an echo there in their ghost drift its hard to pin point like the ghost of relief and shame mingled together. He can’t help but stare for just a moment it feels like its just the two of them just like their drops the shimmer of the ghost drift urges them to reconcile to speak the words bubbling in his throat and he just breaths because its nice knowing that the old man feels some remorse but he’s just as stubborn as him.

 

 

 

A selfish almost childish part of him wants to force the old man to say it out loud to grunt out an apology but he’s not that cruel so instead he pushes out his acceptance, the nagging worry and loss spiraling across his chest. Blazing blues soften in turn and there’s a hint it’s an almost smile one he returns with less reluctance than he’s used to he forces himself to focus just as the Marshall frowns and those fingers tighten to a white knuckled grip “I see” it sounds stone cold he suppresses the sudden urge to shiver “I don’t think you realize Mister Becket how rare it is to find not one but two compatible pilots surly you would rather pilot with Mister Hansen after all”

 

 

 

 

there’s a smile but it only makes that anger boil in Chucks chest and the urge to snap is stronger than ever he restrains himself not because of the old man who’s eyeing him something fierce but because there’s more at stake here than putting the Marshall in his place. “Mister Hansen has more experience it is the most logical choice” it comes across as nothing short of patronizing and in a way he’s glad Mako’s not here because despite all her hard work the Marshall still thinks she isn’t ready it’s screaming from the way the man holds himself stiff but sure dark depths gleaming with challenge.

 

 

 

 

Raleigh stiffens eyes narrowing “With all due respect sir I’d still like to explore all my options there’s no room for error after all” for a second just a second it looks like the Marshall’s going to snap back he understands damn he understands he knows what its like putting your family at risk knowing the odds but this was war and seeing how fierce the Marshall is pushing for Mako to be left on the sidelines is really grating at his nerves.

 

 

 

 

“Good point Becket” its his old man that speaks moving forward looking as though he wants to reach out to place a comforting palm against the Marshall's back but instead he just stands there the brief hesitance makes Chuck wonder just how close the two had become and then he quickly decides to abandon that train of thought because there were certain things he’d rather just not know.

 

 

 

“I’ll get Miss Mori be ready in ten yeah” it’s a dismissal surprisingly Stacker just nods and in tandem they leave it looks like the meeting has lifted a hefty weight from Becket's shoulders, the seppo takes a deep breath before glancing his way. His pulse jumps pressing harshly against his skin and he’s all to aware of the the lack of people around them still there was more important things to do promises aside he really did need to check in with Strikers crew and get to grips on Gipsy’s schematics sure he loved Jaegers but Striker had been the only one he had ever operated and he would rather be prepared instead of learning on the fly.

 

 

 

“Chuck” he ignores the way a shiver threatens to run down his back the way his skin tingles in anticipation “Nice job” Raleigh frowns eyes quickly glancing towards the Marshall's door before settling back on him those blues shimmer with uncertainty

 

 

“I’m not sure if I’ve made things better or worse” he shrugs “Marshall’s not stupid he’d be mad to ignore your compatibility with Mori besides you raised a far point without me the old mans got no one” Becket sighs and there’s something like guilt curling across his face he hates how his own chest is twisting because that was it wasn’t it the old man and him were a team had been for years he couldn’t picture either of them sitting out on this one his compatibility with Becket jeopardized that, he feels guilty for how a spark of relief sinks into his chest mingling with disappointment and he hates it hates how this whole situation was making him feel, this was why he stuck with machines they were simple easy they didn’t make his chest hurt with all these conflicting feelings.

 

 

 

For a moment they just walk the familiar sounds and sights of the Shatterdome ease some of the turmoil seeping in his bones but of course Becket doesn't stay quiet for long “would you be upset” he resists the urge to scoff

 

 

 

“nothing to be upset about Ray” he makes to keep going but then there's a hand pining him in place, he resists the urge to brush it off only because of how intense those blues look as they watch him. “I’m serious Chuck I meant what I said before” he almost wants to play coy and ask the older pilot to repeat it but he just feels tired it had been a long day and it wasn’t going to end anytime soon so he just sighs

 

 

 

“I know look would I like to be your co pilot yeah but Mako’s good if you manage a stable drift this time round it would be the best option” he holds a hand up before the protests begin “I’m not saying I’m backing out on my end I’ll still drift with ya but I can’t leave the old man Strikers dropping the payload he can’t do that alone I’ve no idea what the Marshall’s thinking”

 

 

 

it was nagging at him too, unless the man already had another pilot lined up someone his old man could drift with without any issue but the only other pilot had been Scott and he hadn’t seen his uncle since he was a sprog even when Lucky seven had been active he could only recall vague memories of the other Hansen. Unless the Marshall had tracked the guy down but if that was the case why not let Becket spar with him initially why not say something and his old man there complicated relationship aside he wasn’t sure the old man could hide something so life altering from him, then there was the other option what if it wasn’t Scott there were few pilots left everyone knew that and with the Marshall so keen to keep Mako out of things that would only leave the man himself but stepping into a jaeger would kill the guy everyone knew it and oh.

 

 

 

 

It felt like a stone had dropped into his stomach because that would make sense wouldn’t it the Marshall was a fighter he’d see this through he’d even stand with them to ensure this mission was a success and if it failed than at least he wouldn’t be around to see everything fall apart. The sudden swell of sympathy curls in his gut now he almost wants to go back in and take back what he said earlier despite the truth of it because it would mean they really were in this together weren’t they.

 

 

 

“You’re thinking pretty hard there kid” he sighs as blue depths regard him with something soft and fond it shouldn’t make that silly warm feeling seep into his veins but it does

 

 

 

“Piss off” it sounds more tired than anything has the silly seppo stepping closer to him and suddenly there’s hands cupping his face its almost too intimate too tender but he likes it likes how warm the other pilot is standing so close to him he wants to reach out and just touch and it terrifies him because its one thing wanting to do filthy things to the guy its a whole other ball game wanting to do such stupid domestic things with him things he had only seen his parents do a lifetime ago. “Chuck” Becket sounds fond and concerned all at once he closes his eyes he needs to take a step back Jesus a few days they could all be dead now wasn’t the time to start indulging in such fantasies and when the hell did he start thinking such things anyway granted sometimes he had been envious seeing the easy intimacy between the Kaidanovsky's or some of the techs, he might have even wished a time or two for something similar but those were just silly daydreams better left tucked deep down or in that little box in his head out of sight least the old man catch wind of it.

 

 

 

 

So he opens his eyes a takes a breath offering a smirk before taking a step back it’s harder to do than he thought “You should get ready yeah Mako won’t take long” another step but Raleigh damn him he’s frowning now blues tumbling with confusion

 

 

 

“Chuck” he can’t take that the dripping concern and confusion “I’m sure it’ll turn out alright yeah I better” he makes to step back again but there’s a fire now dancing in those blues he anticipates the hand coming towards him this time and quickly side steps, it only makes a crease from between Becket's brows and he realizes he’s probably making the guy feel worse but he can’t even begin to sort out his own conflicting feelings the jumbled mass churning in his chest how the hell can he begin to ease away Becket's confusion.

 

 

 

“Did I do something” and damn Becket sounds so uncertain so lost he withholds the urge to ease away that frown but he can’t just leave the guy standing there so he shifts all too aware of the almost laser like focus pining him

 

 

 

“Course not I’ve just gotta run through some things yeah” he smiles not a smirk or grin just a smile its not something he’s used to doing but it peels that frown away and Becket nods all too understanding but before he has a chance to move a hand clasps his shoulder all too warm and there’s a pulse just there it makes him shiver. “Your going to watch right” he wants to tease him maybe even make a joke about how things couldn’t get that much worse after the last attempt but it would be in poor taste and he’s not cruel

 

 

 

“Wouldn’t miss it” when did he become so soft because he doesn’t intend for it to come out so soft so warm and inviting and sure enough the words have Becket crowding closer and before he knows it lips are pressed to his own.

 

 

Its nothing like before its too tender too warm and soft but there’s still that edge that electric pulse urging him closer and he’s helpless he grasps those broad shoulders and gives into the temptation running his hands up and down delighting and reveling in the shiver Raleigh gives in response. All it takes is for him to angle his head just right and suddenly it stops being soft it morphs into a violent storm his hands trace desperately almost crazed in the urge to get closer to feel skin beneath his fingers instead of the ratty threadbare cotton of Raleigh's sweater.

 

 

 

 

A tongue invades his mouth and he welcomes it there’s a taste something spicy and warm something just uniquely Raleigh and he drinks it down like a man drowning. Raleigh's hands are everywhere one circles his neck possessively pressing against the mark there the brief sensation of pain makes him hiss because its too much and not enough all at once. The other digs into his hip slipping beneath his shirt snaking across his abs before slipping lower it’s cruel how Raleigh still doesn’t reach further how he barely skirts around the waistband of his pants.

 

 

 

He tears his mouth away and bites his lip desperate to keep from crying out he’s a little embarrassed by how wanton he is its like being that flustered teen again desperate for any form of contact. “Raleigh” it comes out breathless and it propels the other pilot into action because those hands tighten moving to fumble at his belt, not wanting to just remain standing like some star struck teen he forces himself to move backing the seppo against the wall its too satisfying hearing the breathy oomph fall from Raleigh's lips as his legs part just enough and he wastes not time pressing himself flush against him.

 

 

 

The contact makes them both groan and this time he’s the one mouthing at Raleigh's neck scraping his teeth against the sensitive skin there, there’s this primal urge this primitive need to mark him to announce to the world that Raleigh's his and he shouldn’t be thinking that because this wasn’t supposed to be anything more than a quick tryst something to make him feel alive to make his nerves scream with life before its all snapped away and yet he wants more he wants this to mean more than that.

 

 

Hands rake along his back sharp and blunt its too delicious the slight sting and he fumbles with Raleigh's belt desperate to just feel its maddening and it doesn’t help when the seppo keeps making those breathy noises urging him closer

 

 

 

“Christ Chuck” a door slams somewhere and he stops because it all comes rushing back where they are Christ his old mans just behind the door beside them its enough to kill the mood. He takes a step back but Raleigh grunts tugging him back again

 

 

“Ray we can’t” the rest gets lost swallowed by the force of the blondes lips he’s never met anyone like him there’s just something wild so unrestrained in the way Raleigh dominates him he’s never allowed anyone to control him like this to push and manhandle him because even though he’s the one pressed against Raleigh the seppo’s still in control, fingers moving to tug at his hair and he suppresses the moan but not the sharp hiss.

 

 

 

Raleigh smirks against his lips then bites he jumps “Fuck” and he’s not sure if he means fuck that hurt or fuck do it again blues watch him more black than anything and there’s that smirk dark and dangerous he licks his own lips chasing away the throb from the bite and Raleigh just watches face flushed so clearly debauched and eager. He swallows he wants to bury himself closer but he hears quiet murmurs and knows it will only take seconds before their discovered its not something he particularly wants to happen so he forces himself back again one step than another.

 

 

 

He takes a shaky breath his eyes dart down the hall “Your so responsive” his cheeks flare which is ridiculous considering what they had just been doing Raleigh brushes a thumb along his jaw gently presses against his lips and his skin vibrates he wants its almost a physical ache.

 

 

“Ray” he swallows willing his cheeks to calm for his heart to stop racing “I” what exactly he’s not sure how to put it into words but Becket captures his face again caresses his jaw almost as though he understands

 

 

“What have you done to me” its a whisper and he’s not sure Raleigh intends for him to hear it but he does and those blues are drowning him footsteps echo sharply near them its enough for Raleigh to drop his hands to put some space between them he misses the seppo’s heat straight away, he wants to hit himself his head is still swimming being near the man is making him lose his usual confidence the iron clad control he has.

 

 

 

 

When a couple of techs pass they only shoot them curious looks which are quickly wiped away when he levels a glare their way. He hears Becket chuckle and its enough to bring him back to himself

 

 

“what” it comes out harsher than he means but it doesn’t stop Raleigh’s grin blues twinkling “Nothing meet me after the Sim” it comes out more like a command than a request and his hackles rise but he forces himself to swallow because Raleigh isn’t threatening him hell he’s not trying to force him into anything

 

 

 

“Sure Ray” he even smirks because he needs to save some face here because so far every time Becket gets his hands on him he becomes a wanton mess unable to form any coherent thought let alone hold up his usual mask of cocky arrogance.

 

 

 

He’s quick to move ignoring the way those blues seem to laugh at him as he walks away yes walks not runs damn it but of course if you were to ask any of the nearby techs they would tell you Hansen junior looked suitably flushed though the source of such of a thing was contributed to his earlier verbal spar with Hansen senior and thankfully not attributed to a certain blonde haired pilot.

 

 

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

 

Mako feels the urge to pinch herself because this doesn’t seem real it can’t be but Herc had looked sincere and Sensei had offered a cool nod masking the thoughtful worry behind a facade of indifference. To be given another chance it was like a breath of fresh air an answer to all her pleas after seeing Raleigh spar with Chuck she was certain there had been no doubt in her mind the way the two of them had moved together seamless and beautiful it had made that envy claw at her chest not just because it had to be Raleigh of course it had to be Raleigh who was so perfectly compatible with Chuck but to see such an intense connection it was awe inspiring and she wanted it.

 

 

 

 

Despite it all though she still had a chance an opportunity to redeem her earlier attempt and she hungered for it she wanted to no needed to become a pilot she had made a promise to avenge her parents in what seemed to be a lifetime ago she would honor it but a thread of worry nagged at her but she remembered Raleigh's words she could do this she was prepared she knew what to do this time.

 

 

 

It feels like deja vu stepping into the drivesuit room some of the techs offer her supportive grins but the majority look cautious and why wouldn’t they be the last time had be a spectacular fail had almost destroyed what little they had left so she brushes aside her hurt and the phantom caress of shame. She’s surprised when Sensei enters he’s not alone Herc is practically his shadow the man looks weary too tired and worn down her heart clenches painfully Herc had been like a father to her the war has stripped nearly everything from him he looks old too old to still be fighting but she says nothing.

 

 

 

 

“Remember the drift is chaos” Sensei places a hand to her shoulder squeezing once she takes comfort in it, it feels like an anchor keeping her rooted in place for a brief moment she envisions him standing beside her merging with her in the drift he would be able to quell her worry guide her onto the right path but its just a foolish daydream another drop would kill him she’s not that selfish. She nods once

 

 

 

 

“Take your time kid no rush yeah” she suppresses the urge to smile Herc’s accent comes out thicker probably due to lack of sleep and the the hefty amount of stress their all under

 

 

 

“I’ll do my best” the doors swish open again she wills herself not to blush when Chuck enters he looks around before his eyes settle on his father she thinks she hears a mumbled curse but there's no real chance to comment before Raleigh enters all smiles and gentle laughs, she should be happy but she still feels that bitter envy biting at her chest she forces herself to take a breath because she’s trying has been trying so hard lately. Its not Raleigh's fault none of it is her feelings for Chuck are just that her feelings so she has no reason to be so cold and unpredictable to the man especially when he has been fighting for them to be a team.

 

 

 

 

That shame trickles along her skin again hot and heavy its distraction enough that she misses the quiet conversation Chuck seems to have with Raleigh her focus is recaptured when she hears him laugh blue depths twinkling.

 

 

 

Herc gives them a sideways glance face settling into a thoughtful arch and then he’s moving crossing over to Becket its almost like a stilted dance the way father and son pause to regard each other before their stepping away and then its Chuck beside her. She swallows down the urge to squirm the heat from the other pilot urges her closer makes her skin prickle in anticipation its not often they stand so close together for a brief moment she thinks he’s going to touch her but those stormy depths only soften “Best of luck Mori” she hears the sincerity but there's something else to it she can’t quiet place it.

 

 

 

She opens her mouth to speak frustrated when she only lets out a little sigh, her heart hammers pelting against her skin too loud too fast for a moment she fears he will hear it but instead he just offers her one of those smirks and a careful nod. From the corner of her eye she can feel the weight of Sensei’s gaze her back prickles because its not just him watching her the weight of their stares feels like a noose slowly tightening around her neck.

 

 

 

 

Her chest constricts lungs tightening it almost like suffocating but then there’s a warm hand clasping her shoulder the touch grounds her. She blinks looking up into stormy depths and then Chuck is leaning closer enough that she can feel the warm rush of air ghosting across her neck when he whispers to her

 

 

“You can do this Mori breathe” it shouldn’t make a difference in fact she shouldn’t be slipping up not right now not with her Sim just seconds away but it does because of course Chuck knows must recognize the crushing pressure she’s feeling. Without her consent she finds herself reaching out strong hands clasp her own rough but firm a soldiers hands she only has a moment to revel in the feel of it those hands squeeze her own warm and sure before there gone and Chucks stepping back.

 

 

 

 

Her cheeks flare embarrassed by her display of weakness she avoids the interested quirk to Sensei’s brow or the sudden intense gaze of Herc instead she focuses on Raleigh but the sight makes her uneasy. Gone is the smile the gentle twinkle in those blue depths there’s something dark almost vicious there just for a second she sees it before its wiped away those blues becoming inviting once more that easy smile reemerging.

 

 

 

 

“Let us begin” Sensei sounds calm collected as he heads out not before giving her a subtle nod she answers in kind.

 

 

 

“Oi you coming or what” she hides her smile when Chuck grunts giving both her and Becket a nod before following Herc out to anyone else it would seem like he’s being forced but she notices the silent softening in Herc’s eyes the hesitant way Chuck waits until their beside one another before leaving. Its good to see the Australian team back on track that just leaves them

 

 

 

 

“We’ve got this Mako” it sounds so sure so certain she can’t help the smile that spills from her lips. The techs rush over to get them in place it feels strange the sensation of so many hands on her the shrill sound of snaps and clicks as their put into place. The suit feels a little too tight it makes her feel awkward and clumsy but she just breathes she needs to do this there was no time for comfort if the other pilots could do it so could she.

 

 

 

 

“Okay kiddos engaging neural handshake in just a sec you both ready” Tendo’s voice sounds as cheerful as ever but there’s an undercurrent the slightest threads of worry and hearing it only makes her that bit more determined.

 

 

 

“Ready when you are” Raleigh offers her a nod another smile and she braces herself taking another breath “Just focus Mako we’ve got this” she wills herself to believe it

 

 

 

“Neural handshake in three two one” and then she’s being dragged its chaos a symphony of sound and rogue images flashing so fast it makes her stomach heave and hands shake. She sees herself through Raleigh's eyes then there’s Yancy all laughs _don’t get cocky kid_ she feels Raleigh reaching out yanking her along urging her to keep going she tries but its all too much its like drowning and there’s no end to it there’s more and more she see’s Gipsy torn and broken, the Kaiju screaming at her tearing into her face ripping her side, there’s Sensei another chance redemption hope, two young boys running after one another carefree, two brothers shoulder to shoulder __“_ Always Raleigh” Whispered promises, a woman fragile and broken._

 

 

 

 

“Focus Mako” she clings to Raleigh's voice this feels so much worse than before knowing what to expect has only made it harder she’s trying God she’s trying but it’s like trying to stand on water she keeps slipping crashing into Raleigh's memories its too much she can’t breathe “Come on Mako” he sounds so desperate and then she’s in the kwoon and there’s Chuck all smiles she feels it the rush the awe when they spar Raleigh's euphoria sweeps through her it almost feels like she’s the one fighting and it doesn’t end there, she’s bombarded because there’s alot of images of Chuck

 

 

 

 

“Mako” but this time she ignores the voice drawn to the images the overwhelming feelings powered through each of them. She’s in Raleigh’s room and Chucks fidgeting about to leave and Raleigh's reaching out grasping his arm oh so tightly pinning him in place

 

 

 

“ _Why are you so difficult _”__ and those eyes Chucks never looked at her like that before and there’s more their sitting out watching Gipsy too close fingers entwined

 

 

 _ _“_ I’m glad your here Ray”_ its too much oh it hurts but she can’t stop she chases the images all too willingly powerless to do anything but watch her head swims chest heaving because Chucks there and Raleigh's touching him lips pressing urgently hands searching sliding along skin desperate and frantic __“_ Look at you” _teeth scraping against flesh hands drifting lower _“Fuck _”__  hips pressed flush together uncaring of anything else completely consumed by each other __“_ Ray”_ the noises they make so drenched in their passion their need to get closer

 

 

 

 _ _“_ Christ Chuck”_ her vision swims but she can’t stop watching frozen by how debauched they look how flushed Chucks face is stormy depths blown wide with want with such unspoken need

 

 

 

“Stop” there’s no gentleness now she feels Raleigh beside her she wants to scream her hands shake acid is burning in her chest rippling across her skin in waves of rage and loss it can’t be but there’s no mistaking what lies before her

 

 

 

“Now Mako” and then she’s being pushed forcefully away she clings desperate to stay but Raleigh is unrelenting he just keeps pushing her until there’s no more Chuck no Kaiju, no laughter or smiles, no soft spoken words or Yancy there’s just the sunrise light shrouding her vision in vicious waves and she feels the loss the cold inconsolable emptiness.

 

 

 

 

The wall lies beneath her feet steady and firm and Raleigh's there those blues are furious and hurt such raw naked pain it almost dulls the crushing ache in her chest “I trust you Mako why are you doing this” it’s said with such desperation such confusion and sorrow she has no answer she hurls her pain back at him satisfied when he visibly staggers eyes widening and there’s understanding empathy curling in the endless sea of blue. She hates him for it she’s a mess chest aching sharp and the pain its so raw so all consuming worse than any physical ache she’s ever felt

 

 

 

 

“I need you Mako please just focus we can do this please none of that matters this is important” and she knows he’s right but it doesn’t stop the ache the pain crushing her every breath and she can’t help it she pulls him forces him to see that day again the day she lost everything she can hear the screams but she feels detached from it all “Mako”

 

 

 

 

she keeps pushing bombards him with her grief the soul wrenching pain the endless torrents of grief filled screams

 

 

 

 

“Stop” but she can’t she wants him to hurt and a part of her knows this is wrong that she shouldn’t do this but she can’t stop it she propels herself crashing through Raleigh's mind. He’s surprised staggered and there’s Knifehead looming large and vicious an ugly creature waiting to rip everything away and Yancy’s screaming

 

 

 

 

“STOP” she’s not aware of anything else but then there are hands on her pulling her away she blinks staggered everything is too bright and there’s a sharp snap it hurts she groans. Slowly it comes back to her Raleigh is gone there is no more chaos no more pain and grief its a sharp relief but then she remembers she pushes herself away from the techs she can’t bear to feel their hands right now, her skin feels raw overly sensitive.

 

 

 

 

“Mako” its Herc blue depths frozen with worry and it takes a minute before she feels a bit more like herself and then the pain comes the acidic envy curling in her gut. She pushes past Herc Raleigh doesn’t even look at her but that doesn’t stop her from reaching out her hand rears back and then there’s the satisfying meaty slap of skin meeting skin.

 

 

 

 

“Mori!” Raleigh blocks her next move and there’s that fire that barely concealed rage shimmering in his gaze good. She can’t help herself her control slips away she feels torn skin prickling and too tight she can’t bear any of it she screams but her arm is captured twisted with ease behind her back. The sharp surge of pain makes her only more vicious but Raleigh is a different beast entirely he pins her down with ease digging his knee harshly into her back

 

 

 

 

“I trusted you” that fury is all consuming but she can detect the threads of hurt the raw pain underneath “Becket Mori” Herc’s pushing them apart he’s furious the techs scarper around them shock and disbelief painting every face it’s enough to snap some reality back oh God she shrinks in on herself but Raleigh barely notices he’s pushing past Herc

 

 

 

 

“Becket Goddamn it get back here” but the blonde keeps going she can’t move those blues blaze down on her and Herc looks worse than furious she should know she has intimate knowledge of just how furious Herc gets she’s seen plenty of his verbal sparring matches with Chuck

 

 

 

 

“Marshall's office now” its grounded out through gritted teeth she resists the urge to bite back she’s ushered with some force out she ignores the childish hurt she feels by Herc’s strong grip she’s propelled into the changing rooms.

 

 

 

 

Its eerily silent and finally she can breathe but she can’t she sinks to her knees the cool tile beneath her is a balm her knees surge to her chest and she clings to them biting her lip to keep from crying out. What has she done the hurt still tugs at her gut but its minor in comparison to the paralyzing fear biting at her veins Oh God what has she done. One thing is crystal clear she’s never going to be a pilot that single thought breaks the dam and she can’t stop the tears the anguish creasing her face.

 

 

It’s all over she can’t fix this there’s no way back no simple apology or trick which could erase the last few moments its all gone everything she’s worked so hard for all gone in one moment of reckless rage her parents would be ashamed but more importantly she remembers Raleigh's face the fury and betrayal.

 

 

 

She hugs her knees its over the word keeps repeating in her head and she has no one to blame but herself.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed the chap I'm open to criticism
> 
> Please leave a comment so I can get an idea of what everyone's thinking 
> 
> Hopefully will have the next chap up soon sorri again
> 
> As a side note I have gotten alot of new ideas for other fics to start which are Chaleigh based but I'll restrain from putting them up till I get this one and the other fic down first


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